Cameron Diaz – Bitch Flicks

“I’m the Bad Guy”: Flipping the Romcom Script in ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’

From the GBF to the pretty-ugly conformist-nonconformist girl, from positional superiority to “Hubble,” ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ expertly raises every clichéd plot twist and trope in the romcom playbook, before stripping them bare in favor of honesty, moral courage and the belief that life really does go on without a man. Surely that’s a message we can get behind?

Following on from “Why Pretty Woman Should Be Considered a Feminist Classic,” comes the eagerly awaited second installation of my thrilling series: “Julia Roberts Films That Other Writers On Bitch Flicks Hated But That I Actually Really Liked And Here’s Why” (currently seeking suggestions for a snappier title). So, is My Best Friend’s Wedding really a “Right-wing Nightmare Interpretation of Women”? Must every portrait of women be positive? Isn’t there room to satirize the negative? Watch that sugary opening with its singing bride and chorus of bridesmaids again. See the bridesmaids literally making the “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” pose? If P. J. “Muriel’s Wedding” Hogan’s tongue gets any farther into his cheek, he’s going to bite it off. Julia Roberts’ demented and devious Julianne Potter is not a role model. My Best Friend’s Wedding is, rather, a brilliantly acid, deadly accurate takedown of narcissistic and destructive tendencies in the romcom genre. Such as…

Positional Superiority

Positional superiority refers to a superiority that is assumed, not because of superior ethics or behavior, but because of a character’s position in the film. In practice, it means that we will endlessly justify the behavior of protagonists, because we are conditioned to identify a film’s protagonists with ourselves. In a traditionally male genre like an action movie, this narcissism of positional superiority asks us to sympathize and justify our hero in all his casual slaughter of enemy goons. As Austin Powers reminded us, nobody thinks of the families of the henchmen. In a traditionally female genre like romcom, positional superiority means that any attraction felt by the heroine will be “true love,” justifying her in going to any lengths to defeat her deluded and conveniently obnoxious love rivals, to win her trophy man.

In My Best Friend’s Wedding, all the positional superiority is on the side of Julianne Potter. We are set up to believe that Julianne Potter will be successful in winning her best friend’s love for several reasons. Firstly, she is our heroine. Secondly, she is played by America’s sweetheart, Julia Roberts, whose star power tilts us in her favor. Thirdly, she is in a romcom, a genre that conventionally sets up weddings to be interrupted by “true love.” In everything but ethics, Julianne is the clear favorite. Any normal romcom should reward her “wacky” exploits. But My Best Friend’s Wedding is different. The film takes gleeful delight in testing exactly how many “underhand, despicable, not even terribly imaginative” schemes Julianne can undertake before losing our sympathy. Can she force her gay best friend into a humiliating charade of fake engagement? Can she forge a letter that risks her true love’s job? Can she steal a bread van? How far does wackiness have to go before it becomes conniving delusion? Finally, the film forces Julianne to admit that she is not only “the bad guy” rather than the heroine, but the lowest of the low, “the pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum.” Her redemption lies in regaining her self-respect through the moral courage of total honesty, not rewarding her narcissism by the convenient prize of a trophy man. It’s a sharp reminder that “bad guy” status should depend on a character’s action and not their position in the story. Our narcissism makes it hard for us to accept such an even-handed justice for the character we identify with ourselves. As Julianne puts it, “Getting what you deserve isn’t fair!”

The Pretty-Ugly Girl

Consider, if you will, romcom The Truth About Cats And Dogs. By shutting one’s eyes and listening to Audrey Wells’ sharp script, it is possible to see that this is a smart updating of Cyrano de Bergerac for women. But the role of the physically unattractive girl with a face for radio is played by a bloomingly youthful Janeane Garofalo in a rather unflattering cardigan. A staple of the romcom genre is the “pretty-ugly girl,” usually a conventionally attractive brunette in faintly unflattering clothing, who is set up as the underdog in a rivalry with a conventionally attractive blonde that we are allowed to perceive as “pretty.” Pitting our heroine Julianne, a brunette with quirkily masculine tailoring, against rival Kimmy, a blonde who wears pink, is a classic use of the “pretty-ugly girl” as supposed underdog. Aside from contributing to society’s rampant body dysmorphia, the pretty-ugly girl fuels female rivalry. It gives women permission to hate or disdain love rivals for their conventional beauty while, at the same time, assuring us that conventional beauty is required of our heroine, even if she is a brunette. Encouraging women to strive to be conventionally beautiful while hating rivals for their own beauty is a recipe for permanent catfight.

A close relative of the pretty-ugly girl is the nonconformist-conformist girl. We tend to approve of Julianne Potter, because she is independent, quirkily cynical, career-oriented and doesn’t let herself be defined by a man. We tend to despise Kimmy, because she is prepared to sacrifice her education and her ambitions to settle down. So, we cheer for our Julianne to be rewarded… by settling down with Kimmy’s man. When you think about it, that would be more ironic than both rain on your wedding day and a free ride when you’ve already paid. The resentful ego of the pretty-ugly girl is revealed when Julianne calls herself the jello to Kimmy’s creme brulee. Though apparently self-deprecating, Julianne is actually citing her underdog status as the reason why she will win out in the end, because Michael feels “comfortable” with her. As Kimmy desperately hopes that she can become jello to win his love, Julianne snaps, “You’re never gonna be jello!” It is no coincidence that women of other body types, races and ages appear as spectators at the climactic bathroom showdown, as Julianne is finally forced to see her actions as they appear to others, outside her comforting bubble of pretty-ugly aggrieved entitlement.

“Hubble”

Sex And The City famously used the single word “Hubble” to explain Mr. Big’s marriage to a woman who was not Carrie. Referencing romcom tradition through the classic The Way We Were, the gang conclude that Big simply couldn’t handle the quirkiness and intelligence of Carrie, and was forced to settle on a safer, more boringly predictable bride. Her faith in “Hubble” may play a role in Carrie’s embarking on an affair with Big, one that the show paid lip service to criticizing but finally vindicated through Carrie’s own eventual happy ending with Big. If the pretty-ugly girl justifies aggrieved entitlement, body dysmorphia and resentment of more conventionally attractive rivals, then “Hubble” discredits and diminishes the man’s own right to choose. Julianne Potter is close to Carrie Bradshaw in many ways – she is newspaper columnist with a mass of curly hair and a cynical take on romance, who nevertheless winds up wanting the fairy tale. Over the course of the film, she will do anything to win Michael’s love – anything apart from telling him the truth and allowing him to make an informed choice. Her deluded assumption that she is justified in making his choice for him reaches a climax as she steals a bread van to chase him, leaving best friend George to remind her that no-one is actually chasing her. In a romcom genre where interrupted weddings have been traditional since the screwball climax of 1934’s Oscar-winning It Happened One Night, leading our heroes to regularly agree to marry incompatible and obnoxious partners for the flimsiest of manufactured reasons, My Best Friend’s Wedding reminds us that marriage is a commitment rarely undertaken without sincere love, however painful it may be to acknowledge and accept that fact. When all is said and done, “Hubble” is only a cowardly excuse to avoid accepting a man’s right to choose elsewhere, or the possibility that he may have good and valid reasons for doing so.

The GBF

Stanford of Sex And The City has a thankless role. Never invited to brunch with the girls, his role seems confined to the repeated assurances that Carrie is “fabulous.” Their relationship is so one-sided that one suspects that the gay male authors of the show are satirizing the narcissism of their female friends. If so, it was a satire that was lost on a large segment of the target audience. The GBF, the Gay Best Friend as fashion accessory and ego prop, was born. Superficially, Rupert Everett’s George appears to be a classic GBF. His role is a supporting one, offering emotional support and finally playing Julianne’s date and consolation prize at the wedding dinner. However, George is a very different animal from the usual GBF. Notice how all of Julianne’s calls are inconvenient interruptions to George’s full, satisfying life that emphatically does not revolve around his friend. We are given glimpses of his dinner parties with his long-term partner and his enjoyment of book readings. When he is dragged into a pretended engagement with Julianne, as part of her hair-brained scheme to provoke Michael’s jealousy, he protests loudly, mocks the engagement as “against God’s plan” and humiliates Julianne as his revenge. George’s comparing of their pairing to “Rock Hudson and Doris Day” evokes Hollywood’s long history of gay men forced into the closet for the convenience of female admirers. Though his life beyond Julianne is only briefly sketched, it paints her as the needy hanger-on in the relationship, making his final appearance at the wedding into an act of mercy and true friendship.

From the GBF to the pretty-ugly conformist-nonconformist girl, from positional superiority to “Hubble,” My Best Friend’s Wedding is superbly knowing as it expertly raises every clichéd plot twist and trope in the romcom playbook, before stripping them bare in favor of honesty, moral courage and the belief that life really does go on without a man. Surely that’s a message we can get behind?

Brigit McCone is shameless in her love of a good romcom (including Fight Club), writes and directs short films and radio dramas. Her hobbies include doodling and singing terrible karaoke.

Why Maxine from ‘Being John Malkovich’ Is The Best

Maxine is a perfect character. She stands up for herself, takes no guff off of anyone, and goes for what she wants while issuing remarkable and hilarious ultimatums to those around her. I don’t just like Maxine. I don’t just love Maxine. I am Maxine.

This guest post by Sara Century appears as part of our theme week on Unlikable Women.

Being John Malkovich is a delightful trip of a movie from beginning to end. It’s a classic, and, if you haven’t seen it, you really should, definitely before you read this article.

It is based on a puppeteer named Craig Schwartz, who has taken on a job to support his puppeting habit (stick with me here). He meets Maxine, who he develops an unhealthy obsession with despite the fact that he’s married to Cameron Diaz, aka Lottie. He discovers a portal that leads to John Malkovich’s brain that Maxine brilliantly decides to rent out to people… because she is a genius. Maxine seduces Lottie while Lottie’s in John Malkovich’s body, and then slaps Craig in the face when he tries to kiss her. It is amazing. The movie gets even more complicated from there. Charlie Sheen shows up out of nowhere. It’s epic, so just go watch it, or agree to be confused, because I’m here to mostly talk about why Maxine is a great character, despite the fact that she could be considered by some misguided souls as somehow “unlikable.”

Maxine is played by Catherine Keener, who is probably one of the better actors in all of Hollywood right now. When she shows up, she is immediately the most interesting character in the movie. Maxine radiates self-confidence and style, and, in comparison, Craig becomes absolutely cartoonish, if he wasn’t already. There is almost no reason to watch the movie without Maxine. She propels everything forward in a magnificently hands-off fashion, letting the obsessions of others carry her on a wave of success that could have lasted forever. If she hadn’t fallen in love. With… Cameron Diaz. Maxine is a perfect character. She stands up for herself, takes no guff off of anyone, and goes for what she wants while issuing remarkable and hilarious ultimatums to those around her. I don’t just like Maxine. I don’t just love Maxine. I am Maxine.

Yet, not a year goes by, not a year, when I do not hear from some Cusack-loving member of the patriarchy (otherwise known as my friends and family) accusing Maxine of being “a bitch,” “a gold-digger,” and some… worse words than that. Use your imagination. I’m not going to, because it horrifies me to hear people speak badly of something that they clearly don’t begin to understand. Why try to put Maxine in a box? She doesn’t fit within your narrowly defined limitations, my friend. Maxine is one of the greatest characters in film, and I’m going to let you know why in a pointedly numbered list that descends in order of importance.

7. Best dressed person in the movie, and possibly in any movie, ever. Who did wardrobe for Maxine? Did you win an Oscar? Because you should have won an Oscar. Maxine actually has pretty much only two wardrobe items: white dress, and black dress. MAGNIFICENT. Brilliant social commentary on the rigid black and white world that tries to limit her from achieving her deserved position in society. Don’t care if that’s how you meant it, that’s how I’m taking it, and BRAVO.

6. Best lines in this movie, and possibly in any movie, ever. The first line Maxine has is just her calling out bullshit like a pro. She does that through the whole film, and it is great.

5. Craig Schwartz is like the stereotypical “nice guy,” who thinks he’s in love with a girl that doesn’t notice he exists, and then freaks out on her for being “evil” when she really just doesn’t want to sleep with him. He’s the worst, and he really just a whole lot of problems for everyone, ultimately leading himself down a path of ruin. Maxine as his breezy, unaffected foil is a perfect antagonist-turned-protagonist, so, even if she were evil, she’d still be a pretty great character.

4. Maxine has a totally radical view of sex and relationships, and she isn’t afraid to go for what she wants and dare to have it all. She is a pioneer of not only women’s rights but also defining relationships in unconventional terms.

3. OK, so maybe once or twice Maxine behaves slightly amorally in this movie. Here’s the thing, she’s a single woman trying to make it in a harsh world where you gotta be tough as nails to survive, and if you don’t, it’s just too darn bad. You’re supposed to sympathize with her. She makes bad choices, we all make bad choices. Does that mean we deserve to be hounded forever over that one time we left our girlfriend in a cage with a monkey and slept with her husband after he literally stole John Malkovich’s entire body? It was ONE TIME. Come on, people, live and let live. We all learned an important lesson (not to date puppeteers ever, even when they’re in John Malkovich’s body). Isn’t that what’s important, here?

2. Funniest woman in cinema? MAYBE. I’ve seen this movie so many times that I sometimes confuse it with actual memories, yet I still laugh at Maxine’s jokes. Catherine Keener’s deadpan delivery is flawless. Did she win an Oscar? Because she should have won an Oscar. P.S., she didn’t win an Oscar, because the Oscars are bogus. Except she did lose to Judi Dench, so that’s legit. If Judi Dench were against anyone else in any other movie, I’d say, “Give the Oscar to Judi Dench, why don’t you?” but in this one case, of course Maxine should have won.

1. Maxine and Lottie reuniting in the rain off the Jersey Turnpike, with Lottie screaming, “You’re so full of shit!” and Maxine screaming, “I KNOW, I KNOWWWWW!” is probably one of my top 10 favorite moments in the history of cinema. It crushes my heart, yet makes me fall in love with love all over again. Next, they eat Cheetos and raise a baby together. Greatest queer love story of our time? MAYBE.

Finally, Maxine is the best for all the reasons above, but mostly for the fact that she is a strong woman who ultimately gets her life on track despite her flaws and past mistakes, and I really respect that. Well, I’m not sure what other evidence you need that clearly everyone is just misunderstanding Maxine.

Sara Century is a multimedia performance artist, and you can follow her work at saracentury.wordpress.com.

On ‘Annie,’ Lady ‘Ghostbusters,’ and “Ruined” Childhoods

And the matter of representation here is so important. Little Black girls deserve to see themselves on screen, to try to be like Annie the way I tried to be like Punky Brewster when I was a kid. They deserve to see this kind of Cinderella story, where the benefactor is a successful Black businessman (Jamie Foxx as cell phone-mogul and mayoral candidate Will Stacks, the less-creepily named equivalent to Daddy Warbucks). Black parents deserve to take their kids to movies that will show families like theirs. And people of all ages and all races need to see Black actors star in movies like this so the gross privileged reaction of “but the star isn’t white OH NOES!” goes away.

'Annie' (2014) movie poster — *Annie* (2014) movie poster

Written by Robin Hitchcock.

Some conversations I have had about the 2014 remake of Annie, starring Quvenzhané Wallis:

“Got any exciting plans this weekend?”

“Yes! I’m finally going to get to see the new Annie!”

“Why are you excited about that?”

“Well I probably watched the old movie upwards of 100 times when I was a kid.”

“I would think then you’d want to avoid this one? It’s probably just going to ruin your childhood memories.”

“Is it weird that I feel weird about the new Annie being Black?”

“Yes.”

“But it’s just that my image of the character is a little redheaded girl with freckles.”

“Well the original image of the character didn’t have pupils in her eyes, so, things change.”

Comic Annie's creepy blank eyes. — Comic Annie’s creepy blank eyes.

When an Annie remake was announced in 2011, produced by Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith with their daughter Willow attached to play the title character, the “Annie can’t be Black!” nonsense started up, and ebbed and flowed with every new development on the film. Oscar nominee Quvenzhané Wallis cast. “Annie can’t be Black!” Trailer released. “Annie can’t be Black!” Film opens and enjoys modest box office success. “ANNIE CAN’T BE BLACK!”

The remake brilliantly takes on this “controversy” by opening on a white curly-haired redheaded girl with freckles named Annie, who tapdances when she finishes giving her school report. The teacher then calls up “Annie B.” and out comes Quvenzhané Wallis with her charm cranked up to 11. She gets the classroom to participate in her report on FDR and the New Deal, and I can’t imagine anyone in the audience not being won over by the new Annie in this one scene, unless your racism is the Klan kind and not the internalized “but Annie NEEDS to be white” kind. (Which is still bad, and you should work on that.)

In fact, the new Annie being Black is a huge benefit to this film. First, it gives it a reason to exist. Family-friendly movies with Black protagonists are desperately lacking. Plus, an all-white crew of plucky foster kids (in this movie, Annie is very adamant she is a foster kid and not an orphan, because she believes her parents to be alive) in modern-day New York would be unbelievable. And it lets Quvenzhané Wallis star, and I defy you to name a more charming child actor working today.

Family-friendly movies starring black actors are important. — Family-friendly movies starring Black actors are important.

The movie itself? I liked it a lot! It has some issues: 1) Cameron Diaz can’t sing 2) everything sounds a little excessively auto-tuned (Jamie Foxx and Quvenzhané Wallis CAN sing, so that’s no excuse) 3) The new songs don’t blend in as well as they could have 4) The Obamas do not cameo in place of Annie meeting FDR 5) Rooster Hannigan doesn’t exist, and Traci Thoms as Lily St. Regis stand-in doesn’t get to sing “Easy Street,” so the best scene from the 1982 movie turns into one of the worst in the remake (Cameron Diaz really, really, REALLY can’t sing).

And here’s the thing: it could have been TERRIBLE and my childhood would be intact! It wouldn’t make the old movie cease to exist, wouldn’t change my memories of loving it as a child. Also my childhood was a lot more than one weird musical with a racist caricature named Punjab serving as the inexplicably mystical valet to a guy named, for realskies, Daddy Warbucks.

And embittered dudes out there, your childhoods were more than Ghostbusters as dudes. Lady Ghostbusters will NOT ruin your childhood unless the movie is actually about them time travelling to steal your lunch money and eat your homework (I would actually totally watch that movie).

Look. Every now and then they threaten to remake Casablanca. At one point there were rumors of a Bennifer (that’s the former power couple Ben Affleck and J.Lo for those with a short celeb culture memory) version. And yes, this gives me the “WHY!? NO! HANDS OFF!” reaction that I suppose people are having to new Annie and new Ghostbusters. So I’m trying to be sympathetic and give people the benefit of the doubt here, that they aren’t just being racist or sexist.

Did the Looney Tunes take on Casablanca ruin my childhood or my adulthood? — Did the Looney Tunes take on *Casablanca* ruin my childhood or my adulthood?

But keep this in mind, childhood-defenders who are particularly upset when their childhood faves stop being white or male: changing the demographic profile of the stars gives these remakes a reason to exist. Like, if they HAD remade Casablanca with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, but made it about modern-day immigration issues (people forget that Casablanca was NOT a period piece) it might have been really interesting! Making the Ghostbusters women gives them the ability to create relatively original characters instead of awkwardly attempting to replicate the old ones. And the world needs more women-led comedy films, like it needs more Black family films.

The world absolutely does not need more movies starring white people, especially white dudes. I say this as a white person. I’ve had my fill. Hollywood relies on remakes and reboots an incredible amount, and thank goodness they’ve taken to changing the race or gender of some of these characters or we’d be in a never-ending cycle of universal white dudeliness.

It's going to be ok. — It’s going to be OK.

So fellow white people, please keep in mind: you will still exist if you are not absurdly over-represented on screen. White dudes: Remember how upset you were when they made Starbuck a girl? Remember how that was awesome? It’s going to be OK.

Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town. She is an actual orphan so you should trust her take on Annie.

I Married a Monster: Female Friendship in ‘The Other Woman’

Instead of hating and seeing each other as competition, the women form a bond, increasing their woman-power. Kate decides that she wants to make Mark pay for his unfaithfulness saying, “I want him to have to start over,” but she’s afraid she doesn’t have the killer instincts to do it. Her new friends step in, telling her that she does and that if they work together, they can get their revenge.

This guest post by Chantell Monique appears as part of our theme week on Female Friendship.

What makes female-centered films compelling is the opportunity they have to challenge stereotypes that normally surround female friendships; instead of showcasing the back-biting, competitive, pseudo-supportive nature of these friendships, they provide an alternative more positive perspective. At first glimpse, The Other Woman (2014) looks like a 2010s version of First Wives Club (1996). While both are centered on female friendships, The Other Woman takes on a somewhat different approach. Instead of being old college friends, the women in The Other Woman are actually The Wife, The Mistress, and The Girlfriend. Even though they’ve been betrayed by the same man, his unfaithfulness allows them to forge friendships that would have otherwise never happened. In addition, through this friendship, the women are given the opportunity to evolve into stronger versions of themselves.

The Other Woman opens on Carly, played by Cameron Diaz, clearly in love with her new beau, Mark King, played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. Mark is handsome, sophisticated and sweeping her off her feet with intimate dinners and long conversations in the park.

Carly, a high-powered attorney has “cleared her bench” or in broader terms, stopped seeing other men, in order to focus on her new love interest. It’s clear that this is a big step for her which is made more evident when she decides to introduce Mark to her father Frank, played by Don Johnson. At first Carly is against this but when Mark gives her an “eight-week anniversary” gift, she lets her guard down and agrees to introduce the two.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Carly, Mark is leading another life in Connecticut with a beautiful home and wife. Kate King, played by Leslie Mann, is Mark’s innocent and adoring wife; dressed in bright summer dresses and cardigans, Kate has no idea that Mark is unfaithful to her. She signs any paper he puts in front of her, while lamenting that she needs to go to “brain camp” while also making sure he’s well-dressed and is eating healthy.

Doused in all the love of an oblivious wife, Kate reminds Mark that they are scheduled to have dinner with friends on the very evening Carly has invited him to meet her father. Mark tries to wiggle out of his dinner with his wife but when she offers to visit him in the city, he agrees to the dinner and cancels with Carly, telling her that his place in the suburbs has flooded.

Disappointed at being stood up, Carly confesses her frustrations to her father who insists she gets over it and surprise her boyfriend in a sexy plumber outfit. Empowered by this idea, she arrives at Mark’s home, dressed to kill, and knocks on the door. To her surprise, it’s Mark’s wife, Kate, who answers. After an awkward introduction and a series of embarrassing moments, a mortified Carly hobbles back to the city.

The next time we see Carly, she’s expertly dressed, pulled together and livid. Resigned to the notion that all men are cheats, Carly has sucked it up and moved on. That is until Kate shows up at her office demanding asking questions. In the nicest way possible, Kate inquires as to Carly’s relationship with her husband; Carly politely tells Kate to ask Mark. Kate responds, “Clearly he’s lying to me and sleeping with you.” Carly doesn’t respond to this, and Kate promptly has a meltdown. Poor Kate didn’t think she was actually right when she accused her husband of sleeping with Carly.

Feeling somewhat sorry for her and desperate to end the scene she’s causing, Carly agrees to answer any question that Kate has if she promises to stop freaking out. Kate agrees and they go out for drinks. A drunk and depressed Kate laments about the current state of her life saying, “I quit my job to focus on his career. I even put off having kids!” Unmoved by Kate’s emotions, Carly offers her some “tough love” by telling her that “monogamy is unnatural.” Here we get a clear picture of these two women: Carly, the tough as nails, lawyer who cautiously believed in love only to be reminded that it’s nonexistent and Kate, the sniffling, heartbroken wife who up until now, had no idea how harsh real life could be.

Carly puts drunk-Kate in a car and sends her back to the suburbs, as she screams out the window, “This was the best night ever!” Relieved to be rid of her and content that she performed her “good deed” of the year, Carly returns to her normal life.

Shell-shocked and unable to pretend everything is the same, Kate escapes the suburbs again, returning to Carly’s job with her Great Dane, Thunder, in tow. An annoyed Carly hisses, “You think we’re friends…we’re not. I don’t care about you or Mark or your dog!” she shoos Kate on her way only to find her on her doorstep a few hours later. In tears, she tells Carly that she’s the only person in the world who knows what’s going on—that she has no one else. Carly invites her in; the two bond over booze, laughs, and fancy underwear.

Carly becomes Kate’s go-to-person and while Carly is annoyed by the late night/early morning phone calls, she’s always there for her. For example, when an excited Mark gets back from a business trip, he dotes on Kate with all the love and attention she’s been desperate for. Huddled in a restaurant bathroom, she calls Carly, afraid she’s going to sleep with him. Carly tells her that she’s making a mistake and to leave her out of it. A frustrated Kate hangs up, looks in the mirror, and tells herself to keep it together.

She doesn’t; instead, she and Mark end up making out. Kate tells Mark to hold on as she rushes to the bathroom to get prepared for sex. While waiting, Mark gets a call; he sneaks out of the bedroom, whispering in hushed tones. Meanwhile, Kate comes out and sees him—she realizes he’s still cheating and it must be with Carly.

A hurt and upset Kate confronts Carly who vehemently denies seeing Mark. This is when they realize, he’s cheating on both of them with someone else. After some stealthy maneuvers, they track Mark down and meet his other woman, Amber, played by Kate Upton; devastated that Mark has a wife and a mistress, the bubbly Amber vows never to see Mark again and begs to hang out with Kate and Carly. Carly’s against it but Kate pleads, “Can we keep her?” Instead of hating and seeing each other as competition, the women form a bond, increasing their woman-power. Kate decides that she wants to make Mark pay for his unfaithfulness saying, “I want him to have to start over,” but she’s afraid she doesn’t have the killer instincts to do it. Her new friends step in, telling her that she does and that if they work together, they can get their revenge.

The women set out to destroy Mark with a series of pranks while also trying to figure out how shady his business practices are. The plan moves along smoothly but Kate can’t seem to let go of her perfect life and love for her husband. After spending a weekend away with him, she sleeps with him. She returns to an excited Carly and Amber who have hacked into Mark’s computer and found out incriminating evidence to end his career. Unfortunately, Kate is not on board; she tells them that their plan is more “complicated” than they think. Upon the realization that Kate can’t let go of Mark, Carly lashes out; in order to prove to Kate that he’s still a cheater, she texts him to see if he wants to hang. Kate storms out and Amber follows. Mark immediately returns the text saying, “I’m free on Friday. Let’s do it!”

With the plan on pause, Carly is saddened by the fact that her loyalty seems to come off too harshly. In the meantime, a happy Kate finally realizes Mark is never going to change when he has her blindly sign yet another set of papers. Tired of being treated like she’s stupid or doesn’t matter, she shows up at Carly’s door again but this time to apologize. The two make up; Kate tells Carly that she stole more evidence from Mark’s desk that can solidify their plan to take him down. Unfortunately, Carly is happy for her but tells her that she can’t help—she must move past the whole situation.

But Carly doesn’t keep her word—she shows up in the Bahamas for Kate who is there to foil Mark’s illegal business deal. She even brings Amber along. The crew is back together and has finally figured out how to leave Mark out to dry. Although they succeed in their plan to ruin the man who betrayed them, they ultimately gain friendships and growth that changes their lives. Through this unlikely bond, Carly becomes more supportive and compassionate while Kate realizes she’s smarter and stronger than she thought. Normally when a woman finds out a man is cheating, they go after the woman, creating an enemy, but The Other Woman challenges this notion by showing women an alternative way to view each other. Instead of competing against each other, Carly, Kate and Amber create a nurturing and supportive friendship that allows them to grow into better versions of themselves. It provides viewers with different perspective on female friendships by highlighting their value and importance.

Chantell Monique is a Creative Writing instructor and screenwriter, living in Los Angeles. She holds a MA in English from Indiana University, South Bend. She’s a Black Girl Nerd who’s addicted to Harry Potter, Netflix and anything pertaining to social justice, and female representation in film and television. Twitter @31pottergirl

‘The Other Woman’ is a Faux Feminist Fairytale

Instead what we have is a movie that presents us with a tired pseudo “Girl Power!” line and expects us to swallow it hook line and sinker. Many times the movie presents us with tropes about female friendship and then pretends like it is subverting them in a clever way. But it doesn’t. Instead we have a movie about female friendship that is all about talking about a man (again) and involves shaming him by trying bring question to his masculinity (again), while simultaneously throwing women of colour under the bus (again).

I have a lot of complex feels about The Other Woman (firstly should it not be Women not Woman?!). I am really glad that a comedy starring two women and featuring a third has been so successful – it is currently sitting in the No. 2 spot for box office takings under The Amazing Spiderman. I think it just goes to show how thirsty people are for movies with more than one woman in them. Despite its box office takings, The Other Woman has a score of 24 percent on the critic aggregator site Rotten Tomatoes; this is extremely low. This movie is not amazing but it is not the D-grade movie that this rating makes it out to be. In comparison the Seth Rogen and friends comedy vehicle This is The End rated a healthy 83 percent despite in my opinion being decidedly average and verging on terrible for its heavy reliance on rape jokes.

The plot centres on three women: Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, and Kate Upton who play Carly – high powered lawyer and accidental other woman, Kate – quirky wife who talks a lot and has forgotten the grooming required by all women necessary to maintain a man, and Amber – the boobs (they actually refer to her as this in the movie). I’m not sure if you can actually say that Kate Upton actually stars in this movie as she has barely any dialogue.

The premise is that Carly is dating a guy and finds out by chance that he is actually married to Kate. The two of them then go on to plot their revenge against him and discover that he is cheating on them with a third woman, Amber, who is devastated to discover his lies and teams up with them to make him suffer. One of the nice parts of the movie is it’s overarching premise is that even though these three women discover that they have been sleeping with the same man they band together and become friends rather than falling into that old trop of competitive womanhood and trying to “steal” him from each other. However this is not terribly original as this also neatly sums up the plot of John Tucker Must Die, a teenage movie where they do a lot of the same things as this one.

Linda Holmes at NPR calls The Other Woman “a terrible movie that has happened to funny actresses” and it is hard not agree. I think what annoys me most about The Other Woman is what it could have been. I was hoping that this was going to be a funny female-driven comedy that is fundamentally about friendship, something akin to Bridesmaids or The Heat, or maybe even Mean Girls. Sadly that was not to be the case. Instead what we have is a movie that presents us with a tired pseudo “Girl Power!” line and expects us to swallow it hook line and sinker. Many times the movie presents us with tropes about female friendship and then pretends like it is subverting them in a clever way. But it doesn’t. Instead we have a movie about female friendship that is all about talking about a man (again) and involves shaming him by trying bring question to his masculinity (again), while simultaneously throwing women of colour under the bus (again).

How does the film throw women of colour under the bus you ask? Well firstly, we are, as so often happens in film and television, treated to a hilariously white-washed version of New York City. I’m pretty sure even all the extras are white. The only person of colour who speaks is Nicki Minaj, who plays assistant to Cameron Diaz’s high powered lawyer character Carly. Fortunately unlike Jennifer Hudson’s character in the first Sex and the City movie, her role isn’t to teach Carly about love and show her the error of her ways with her earthy Blackness and down home wisdom. She mostly wears killer outfits and provides sardonic commentary in a New York accent.

Secondly, there is a pivotal-to-the-plot scene where Carly has lunch with her father to ask him what he would do if he wanted to hide money. This makes no sense as Carly is a lawyer for a large New York City firm so it seems likely she would know what people do with their money if they are trying to hide it. Even worse, however, is that this scene takes place in a bar/restaurant called No Hands ,where Asian women massage them and hand feed them. The message is pretty clear: empowerment, even such pale empowerment as this is only for white women.

Overall, the movie toes the line of Sex and the City faux empowerment where everything in a woman’s world centers around a man. Its “LADEEZ ON TOP” message comes heavily watered down by the fact that the movie barely passes the Bechdel test and the conversations not relating to Mark (the cheating husband) are about such thrilling topics as how hot Amber is.

I think part of the problem is that the movie relies heavily on physical comedy rather than clever writing and this is often hit or miss. Some parts are genuinely hilarious but many others fall quite flat. I’m not sure why, because Diaz in particular has certainly proven herself to be a gifted at physical comedy, but many of the gags tend toward feeling too forced and unnatural. This is especially true of Leslie Mann’s batty housewife act.

Despite all of this there is a lot of lovely imagery of women enjoying each other’s company, something that is STILL woefully lacking in the movie world where most big budget movies only have one named woman in them. Some of the best scenes are the ones where you don’t really get to hear any dialogue but just view the women hanging out. The fact that these scenes have no dialogue that we can hear sends the message that the only types of conversations that are worth hearing from women.

I don’t regret going to see The Other Woman because I think it was passably funny and it was really nice to have a movie where women are the stars of the show for a change; but it could have been so much better. The starring women were certainly not used to their full potential and the movie was definitely not as subversive as it pretended to be.

‘The Counselor’ and the Feminist Commentary of Ferrari Fucking

The honesty of a man saying, “What the hell was that?” when a woman is trying to do what society expects her to do to be sexy is a pretty clear indication of how our raunch culture makes fools out of women who try to fit into it.
If Reiner had loved it, I think I would have found that scene incredibly Problematic From a Feminist Perspective™. But he didn’t. This otherwise misogynistic character was baffled and troubled by this kind of display.

The Counselor poster — *The Counselor* poster

Written by Leigh Kolb

As press began trickling out about The Counselor, headlines about how “Cameron Diaz fucks a car” (a Ferrari) dominated my news feeds.

I did not expect that scene to be brilliant. But it kind of was.

The Counselor is by no means the “worst movie ever made.” The writing–Cormac McCarthy’s first screenplay venture–was lovely, if at times a bit much (as one might imagine a script by a novelist would be). The acting was incredible. Ridley Scott’s direction is poignant. This also isn’t the best film ever made, but it has enough strong points.

The two prominent women characters did fit into the problematic virgin/whore dichotomy, but overall I was surprisingly pleased at the depictions of female sexuality on screen, and the larger meaning of those scenes.

The opening scene (which The New York Times describes in loving detail) finds the audience in bed with our protagonist, the Counselor (Michael Fassbender) and his soon-to-be fiancée, Laura (Penélope Cruz). Their exchange is intimate, and he wants her to tell him what to do to her. While she’s slightly shy and hesitant, they are comfortable together. He retreats downward to perform oral sex on her, and she orgasms. Enthusiastically.

In the opening scene, we see a focus on female pleasure that is often foreign in heavily masculine films like this. They have just woken up, but he doesn’t want her to “tidy up.” Their white-sheet-wrapped love seems meaningful and real.

The bulk of the film, of course, follows the Counselor (he is nameless; other characters refer to him only in relation to his identity as a lawyer) and his decision to enter into a drug deal to make some fast money. This descent into a different world happens toward the beginning of the film, and what follows is a classic morality play, in which our prince falls, bringing those around him down with him. The dialogue, like the morality play itself, is Shakespearean, which is a bit much for most modern audiences. (There is a lot of talking…)

Hero, moral dilemma, advice from dubious sources, downfall, pile of dead bodies. Yeah, sounds pretty Shakespearean.

The two women characters are also quite Shakespearean with their subtle complexities and clear contrasts, which push us to consider what feminine power is and how we are supposed to judge the characters who surround them by their relationship with women. The Counselor deeply loves Laura and acts baffled when Reiner (Javier Bardem) speaks with disrespect/bawdiness about women. The Counselor loves giving women pleasure. Reiner sees women as dangerous liabilities.

Malkina, left, and Laura reveal their characters as they discuss diamonds and sex.

Reiner’s girlfriend–who we meet as she’s riding a horse across the desert with a cheetah by their side–is Malkina (Cameron Diaz). She is certainly a cheetah herself–gorgeous, fast, sleek, frightening, and threatening. Her role is impressive and important.

But about that Ferrari scene.

We see the scene as a flashback while Reiner is talking to the Counselor about something he’d “like to forget.” That something is the time that Malkina fucked his yellow Ferrari.

Malkina is trying really hard. Really hard. She slips off her panties and tells him she’s going to fuck his car. She climbs up on the windshield, descends into the splits, and goes to town right above Reiner’s face.

This scene–in which a gorgeous woman has sex with a luxury automobile to try to be really sexy and get off (on the luxury itself?)–is telling in how absolutely ludicrous it is. Reiner is “stunned”–and it doesn’t seem like he’s stunned in a good way. It’s just ridiculous.

(And OK, Reiner’s “catfish” description from his vantage point was funny–when he talks about the “gynecological” display upon the glass in terms of one of those “bottom feeders you see going up the way of the aquarium sucking its way up the glass,” that just intensifies how stupid the whole thing is.) Variety has the dialogue from that scene.

LOL — In its stupidity lies its feminist commentary.

Malkina’s immorality is essential in this morality story. The power she wields is significant–she’s certainly more malicious and skillful than our leading men. However, we are not supposed to be rooting for Malkina (even though we can find her wiles pretty amazing).

The symbolism of her fucking a Ferrari, and getting off in the process (the Counselor is very interested in whether or not she was able to orgasm), shows us just how materialistic she is. It’s not about human pleasure, it’s about object pleasure.

It’s not about genuine, self-aware female sexuality. It is ridiculous. And Reiner’s description of the fish on the aquarium? That’s exactly what it would look like. So dammit, I think it’s hilarious. The honesty of a man saying, “What the hell was that?” when a woman is trying to do what society expects her to do to be sexy is a pretty clear indication of how our raunch culture makes fools out of women who try to fit into it.

If Reiner had loved it, I think I would have found that scene incredibly Problematic From a Feminist Perspective™. But he didn’t. This otherwise misogynistic character was baffled and troubled by this kind of display.

Laura and Malkina aren’t as fully developed as they probably could have been (early on it’s clear that Laura=good and Malkina=bad when the two are having a conversation and Malkina can give Laura all of the details about Laura’s engagement diamond–and Laura doesn’t even want to know how much it’s worth–and their conversations about sexuality make Malkina seem the whore and Laura seem virginal).

In the promo stills, the men were allowed to have wrinkles, the women were not.

I did appreciate, though, how the women were their age. As disturbing as the marketing for the film was, these women are presented as neither younger than they actually are nor trying to be younger. While they are beautiful, they have wrinkles. While they are sexy, they are not 20. This is refreshing.

The Counselor isn’t the best–or the worst–film ever made. However, its artistic merit as a modern-day morality play and its representation of and commentary about femininity and female sexuality make it stand out.

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Leigh Kolb is a composition, literature and journalism instructor at a community college in rural Missouri.

Wedding Week: ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ Is a Right-Wing Nightmare Interpretation of Women

Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding

This is a guest post by Mab Ryan.

I saw My Best Friend’s Wedding when it premiered in 1997. At the time, I thought it was an interesting reversal of the rom-com convention that the leading lady always gets her man. Instead, the leading lady was the villain, while her competition won the happy-ever-after. I remember being disturbed that my friend really wanted Julia Roberts’ character to win the man’s affections. Watching it again now, I have moved past disturbed into nauseated. If Julia Roberts plays the villain, who is the heroine? There are no good options because both main female characters are terrible examples of womanhood.

To get us into the wedding spirit, the credits open over a pink background with four women singing and dancing to Dusty Springfield’s “Wishin’ and Hopin’.” A white woman dons a bridal gown, with three women (two white and one of indeterminate race) in bridesmaid’s dresses. The woman of color is wearing a different color/style gown than the others, for no apparent reason. Enjoy her, because she’s the closest thing to a POC character in this movie. The dance portrays the gist of the US wedding fantasy: cooing over a sparkling diamond ring, tossing a bouquet, pulling at a white glove with one’s teeth, etc. The song ends with the bridesmaid’s genuflecting at the bride’s feet, the bride looking up at a white glow washing over her, like an angel. Good girls follow the proper gender script and have perfect weddings.

Someone nicely made a collage of all this.

Julianne (Julia Roberts) is a restaurant critic. Tuck that fact away because it’s the only indication you’ll get that she has any kind of life outside of the sudden obsession that erupts for the course of the movie. Best friend and former lover Michael (Dermot Mulroney) calls while she’s working, prompting a stream of expositionary nostalgia, and damn if she didn’t just remember the half-assed pact they once made that if they were both still single at 28 (that magical age) they would just give up and marry each other. Too bad he just found someone else now that she’s decided she’s ready to settle for him.

Michael is marrying Kimmy (Cameron Diaz), and they want Julianne to be maid of honor. Julianne falls off the bed on hearing this, cluing us in that we can expect to see more of the Cute Clumsy Girl trope. The wedding is in four days. Yeah, she’s been on a book tour for the past month, but you couldn’t reach her on that foot-long cell phone? The second Julianne hears about the nuptials she decides to break up the marriage and steal the groom. Say what? She had zero romantic interest in this guy until now. “This is my whole life’s happiness. I have to be ruthless.” Aim high, sister!

This character embodies the worst stereotypes of feminists. We’re told she rarely cries, never wears pink, and hates romance and public displays of affection. She’s had no prior interest in monogamy, preferring to enjoy sexual encounters with a series of men. Rather than this being empowering, the movie depicts her in the way any right-wing radio host would expect: a bitter, jealous hag, disillusioned with the single, career-focused life, bent on destroying other women in pursuit of marriage.

Her competitor isn’t a great feminist role model either. Kimmy is the daughter of a rich man who owns . . . something about baseball. Ebert’s review refers to him as a “sports owner,” so we’ll go with that. She’s eight years Michael’s junior and about to forgo her senior year in college (as an architecture major) to travel with her sports writer husband-to-be. Several times, she expresses her preference to finish school and have a life of her own—but but but if it means losing Michael (it does) she will give it all up.

Kimmy is direct with Julianne, stating that she feels inadequate compared to the pedestal that Michael has put his old friend on. “I thought I was like you and proud to be, until I met Michael and found out I was a sentimental schmuck like all those flighty nitwits I’d always pitied.” Yikes. She also explains that she hasn’t chosen one of her cousin/bridesmaids to be maid of honor because they’re “basically vengeful sluts.” This movie does not have a high opinion of women.

Michael walks in on Julianne in her underwear like it ain’t no thang. He is the signal tower for mixed messages, and I’ve no doubt he knows exactly how he’s playing both of these women. But he’s just a garden variety asshole next to Julianne’s maliciousness. At a karaoke bar, Kimmy is conspicuously terrified, but Michael needles her to perform. Julianne takes the mic on the pretense of saving Kimmy, but instead forces her into performing, a feat that backfires when Kimmy’s tone deaf, but her brave performance wins the audience’s admiration and applause. Sadly, this is the most inventive ploy in a plot that has Julianne trying on the wedding ring and getting it stuck on her finger. Wacky!

Julianne cruelly forces a terrified Kimmy into singing karaoke.

Now’s as good a time as any talk about George. No wedding movie is complete without the Gay Best Friend™ played here by gay actor Rupert Everett. His sexuality is actually referenced rather than implied, so that’s progress I guess. But he’s never shown in a romantic situation with a man. And though he does host dinner parties and attend erotic book readings, these are callously interrupted by phone calls from the disturbed Julianne. He hates to fly, but does so (twice!) to come to Julianne’s rescue and offer her the sage counsel that her attempts to sabotage this wedding are doomed and she needs to get over herself. In so many words.

“It’s amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy,” George says to Julianne.

To make matters more homophobic, in a move that makes absolutely no sense, George is press-ganged into playing the part of Julianne’s fiancé. It’s really gross to watch a gay man forced to play beard to a straight woman, shoved into a closet to suit her conniving privilege. Kimmy hyperventilates in relief that Julianne is apparently no longer her competition, because nothing promises a more stable marriage than making sure there are no hot women around to tempt your man. George gets his revenge by telling apocryphal stories about meeting Julianne in a mental institution where she was receiving shock therapy, because we might as well add mocking the mentally ill to this movie’s list of sins.

Julianne’s meddling turns criminal when she fraudulently uses Kimmy’s father’s email account to send a message that will make Michael want to call off the wedding. The scheme works for about five whole minutes, but Michael decides to go through with the wedding after all. The denouement occurs when Julianne admits her love for Michael and plants a big smooch on him at the wedding brunch, in sight of the bride-to-be. Kimmy runs off crying, Michael runs after Kimmy, Julianne runs after Michael, and no one runs after Julianne because, no joke, she is terrible. She admits this in a lady’s room showdown with Kimmy, while a racially mixed group of women surround them, calling for a cat fight. “I’ve done nothing but underhanded, despicable, not even terribly imaginative things since I got here.” That’s okay movie writers! Acceptance is the first step to improvement.

Kimmy confronts Julianne in the ladies room where we are reminded that POC do exist.

Michael and Kimmy somehow make up, which is great for them if you don’ t mind that he’s a self-important jerk who will probably end up screwing Julianne/other women on business trips in years to come, or that Kimmy has no self-esteem and is counting on this guy to be her EVERYTHING. Julianne knows that she has lost, and now that it is a solid two hours later and she’s no longer a threat, she’s able to perform her duties as maid of honor and offer the happy couple a toast. Mozel tov. It’ll probably be at least a day before Julianne gets arrested for tampering with a company computer and committing fraud (we can only hope).

George makes that second flight to be at the reception to provide solace for Julianne. I was 14 when this movie debuted and still part of the homophobic evangelical culture I was raised in. I remember thinking it would be nice if these two could now hook up, because I knew that George was gay, but I figured he could “reform.” I’m pleased to say the movie does nothing to encourage this interpretation. He states outright that he has no romantic intentions toward her. And sure, it’s great to have a friend who will drop everything and pamper you even when you have just proven to be a soulless nightmare, but let’s quit using the magical queer, huh?

The takeaway: gay men exist to render aid to straight ladies. Lesbians do not exist. Fat people do not exist. People of color exist only in sports stadium restrooms. Mental disabilities are funny! Women who pursue independence are terrible, and they really just want marriage. Women who pursue marriage by sacrificing their own desires and goals are good girls who are rewarded with husbands. Straight white men, just keep doing what you do, because in the end, you’ll get some girl or other.

Mab Ryan is a fat, geeky, queerish, rainbow-haired feminist currently studying Art and Creative Writing at Roanoke College.

Bitch Flicks’ Weekly Picks

On Geekdom and Privilege: Sympathy for the ‘Pretty’? from Racialicious

Sex, Scripts, & Single Ladies from The Crunk Feminist Collective

Riding the Bridesmaids Wave from Women and Hollywood

Wimbledon Likes Their Female Tennis Players Hot and Grunt Free from Feministing

Emmy Watch: Comedy Actresses Fischer, Poehler, Cuoco, Michele, Hatcher from Thompson on Hollywood

Film Corner! from Shakesville

Size double standards are alive and kicking on primetime TV from About-Face

Sex Trafficking Survivors Group to Dilbert Creator: Rape Isn’t “Natural Instinct” from change.org

A note to Hollywood: “maneater” and “sexual criminal” are not interchangeable terms from Feministing

Bad Teacher (review) from Flick Filosopher

Leave your links in the comments!

Poster Analysis: Summer Movie Preview

We all know that summer is the worst season for movies. It’s when the heat melts all of our feeble brains into mush and we’re only capable of grunting approval at explosions, special effects, scantily clad women, and the most simplistic plots, while sitting in icily air-conditioned theatres and shoveling $7 bags of popcorn into our face holes. Here’s a sampling of films opening in wide release that we have to look forward to, now that summer has officially begun.

In these posters I see a “maneater,” a teacher who is bad at her job, a “dirty girl,” some arm candy, black maids, almost up a Disney princess’ dress, a scooter passenger, and an invitation to ,ahem, a hole. The Debt offers the only poster with not one, but two women showing agency. One Day might be interesting, as we see Anne Hathaway’s pleasured expression while kissing a man. The Help could possibly be progressive, since it at least shows the black women in the more active, central position. Maybe.

In these posters I also see a bunch of white dudes who win battles: Harry Potter, Conan, Captain America, and that guy from Transformers. I see male-driven comedies (Horrible Bosses, 30 Minutes or Less, Change Up). I see one “idiot,” although it seems “our” in the title might refer to women. I see machines. And those damn dirty apes are back.

As we’ve pointed out in other Poster Analysis pieces (often in the comments), the way a film is marketed can have very little to do with the actual content of the film. But by choosing to market films in a way that presents women as passive or as objects for male admiration, or that excludes them completely, production companies tend to reveal internal biases and expectations, and who their target audience actually is.

What do you think of this year’s crop of summer movie posters? (I am actually happy to see the Transformers babe fully clothed.) Did I leave out any movies on your radar? Finally, what movies do you plan to see in the theatre this summer?

Movie Preview: Bad Teacher

There’s so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to start. How about with the plot: “a comedy centered around a foul-mouthed, junior high teacher who, after being dumped by her sugar daddy, begins to woo a colleague–a move that pits her against a well-loved teacher.”

Ask me if I’m shocked this was written and directed by men. In a three-minute trailer, we manage to get: the dumb blond stereotype, the hot-for-teacher stereotype, the women-in-competition narrative, the women-in-competition-for-men narrative, the golddigger stereotype, the gym-teachers-are-ridiculous stereotype, the homophobic Twilight joke that never gets old, and some fat hatred thrown in for good measure.

I mean, are we supposed to find it so over the top that it’s funny she’s saving up for breast implants by writhing around half-naked at a car wash? (To the delight of junior high boys, no less, because that never gets old in the movies.) Is it so over the top that it’s funny she thinks getting breast implants is the only way she can land a rich guy she works with? Is it so over the top it’s funny that the idea of having huge tits is the only thing motivating her to be a good teacher? Am I so utterly lacking a sense of humor that I just. don’t. get it?!

In fact, I’m probably entirely wrong about this film. It’ll probably end up being an astute, intelligent satire on the current conservative agenda to bring down the education system by scapegoating teachers. Yep: astute. intelligent. satire. Starring Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake.

See you there, opening night!

Bitch Flicks’ Weekly Picks

Black Swan & Drag Me to Hell. Feminist Horror Fans Rejoice! from MovieChopShop

So in a horror film, you can approach issues that are complicated, frightening, and beyond the black-and-white world of the “stand up and cheer” drama. Portman’s character is so complex not in spite of the genre but directly because of it. We can peer into the deep dark depths of her mind and confront the murky reality of how her life choices have stunted her growth as a person…and how her intense need to break free from her self-created prison leads to a horrendous expression of human weakness and base instinct.

“Crazy Chicks Are Hot?” 8 Messed-Up Portrayals of Women Going Insane in Film from AlterNet

Everyone loves to watch a hot babe going batshit crazy. At least that’s what the astronomical success of Black Swan would have you believe, the film in which Darren Aronofsky casts his misogynist gaze upon Natalie Portman, gorgeous and coming completely undone, for what is essentially a two-hour snuff film.

Classic Feminist Writings (H/T to Fourth Wave)

Full-text articles available to read online for free, including pieces by Marlene Dixon, the Women’s Collective, Barbara Ehrenreich, and more.

Is Hollywood Pushing Black Actors to TV? from Racialicious

Oscar nominees have been headed to TV: Taraji P. Henson just did a Lifetime movie; Terrence Howard has been doing a Law & Order spinoff; Angela Bassett signed on to a cop drama on ABC; Don Cheadle is creating his own series for Showtime; and Michael Clarke Duncan is doing a Bones spinoff. Rising stars like Columbus Short is joining Washington’s series. Common is headed to AMC. Of course, stars like Blair Underwood are already headlining series.

Tina Fey Stands Up for Working Moms (and Working Women) in Hollywood from Women and Hollywood

It seems that there are so many crazy women in Hollywood that it’s hard to find a sane one. Maybe it’s not the women who are crazy, but it’s the situations they are put in on a constant basis that make them act crazy on occasion. Maybe they are sick and tired of being treated like shit each and every day that they are fighting back and get marked as crazy. Crazy is a euphemism for a woman who has an opinion in Hollywood.

Cut! Hollywood’s lady troubles go way back from The Smart Set

Things in Hollywood have been stagnant for so long that a book such as 1974’s From Reverence to Rape: The Treatment of Women in Movies by film critic Molly Haskell’s has not faded become a historical document. The book was written during the Golden Age of American cinema, the age of Coppola and Nichols and Bonnie and Clyde and Easy Rider — and yet women were left out of the renaissance. As Haskell writes, “Here we are today, with an unparalleled freedom of expression, and a record number of women performing, achieving, choosing to fulfill themselves, and we are insulted with the worst — the most abused, neglected, and dehumanized — screen heroines in film history.”

A New Low: Bad Teacher Trailer from Women and Hollywood

Personally, I find it way more offensive that this stars a woman. Is this the parity we wanted? A woman who is just as much of an ass as the guys? What the hell happened to Cameron Diaz’ career?

Neko Case Can’t Get Laid! (for its discussion of 30 Rock) from Ann Friedman

I just can’t take any more of the “Liz Lemon is absurdly, comically unattractive and unlucky in love” plot lines. It’s simply too incongruous with Tina Fey’s beauty, Liz’s smarts, and her position as a successful, prominent head writer and producer of a major network television show.

Leave links to what you’ve been reading or writing about this week in the comments!