Victor Kirksey-Brown – Bitch Flicks

Pretty Little Friendships

This guest post by Victor Kirksey-Brown appears as part of our theme week on Female Friendship.

I don’t know where to start, because I don’t totally understand Pretty Little Liars. This show blows my mind in both good ways and horrible ways. And the show isn’t over, so I can’t say for sure how the themes and lessons will ultimately play out.

The show, based on a book series of the same name, centers around four girls: Emily, Spencer, Hanna, and Aria. After the disappearance and assumed death of their friend and ring leader Alison DiLaurentis they have a falling out, but are reunited a year later when they start receiving threats from an anonymous someone who goes by “A.”

And then shit goes crazy. “A” has done so much shit to these teenage girls and I don’t understand any of it, but I digress.

When the show starts out, they’re all estranged and I wouldn’t really classify them as friends. Aria is just moving back to Rosewood (the fictional town where the show takes place) after a year of traveling in Europe with her family, Spencer is heavily focused on school and extracurriculars, Emily is dealing with figuring out her sexual identity as well as maintaining her top ranking on the swim team, and in the absence of Alison, Hanna is the new “Queen Bee” of Rosewood High.

So they’re all in different places, but are forced to rely on each other and come back together because of “A” and her?…his?..their? goons. “A” is constantly pitting the four girls against each other, trying to use their secrets and desires to exploit them and break them apart. “A” exploits Emily, promising her secret of being a lesbian will remain so if she does what “A” wants. “A” does the same to Aria with her relationship with her teacher Ezra (by the way my feelings on their relationship are pretty well summed up by Gaayathri Nair here.) “A” also does this to Hanna when her mom is stealing money from her work, and multiple times with Spencer because of her family’s many secrets. However, “A” always either then forces them to divulge their secrets or, more often, the girls find that they must trust in each other to make any progress.

Eventually the girls learn that keeping secrets from each other is counterproductive, especially when people are crashing cars into your house, blowing up houses, hitting you with cars, filling your mom’s car with bees, basically TRYING TO KILL YOU 24/7. Albeit it took until season 5 for that to really sink in.

No matter what happens, they’re forced to fully trust each other. When other relationships come in between the core four–like when Spencer’s boyfriend Toby was working with “A” because “A” had information on his mother’s death that he badly wanted and Spencer found out but kept it secret–the group is mad when they find out, but ultimately understanding and compassionate. They accept Spencer back and eventually Toby, because they’ve all been in the same place. They’ve all been pressured by “A” to do things they regret and instead of pushing each other away, they try and understand and stay together.

Because EVERYONE is a suspect, the suspects are often each other’s loved ones and this causes tension with the group. But again, because it happens to all of them, they all give each other the opportunity to prove their loved one isn’t really involved (though they usually are). And if it is discovered said person is involved, everyone in the group knows that they owe it to each other to allow the group to pursue said loved one to find answers.

Also, they never really fight over boys. (And on a side note it’s actually kind of amazing how long lasting the relationships in this show are given it’s a teen drama, even if they are highly problematic.) Whenever a boy or love interest comes between them it’s because one of them is hiding something from the rest of them to protect the love interest. They don’t get into “cat-fights” with each other over guys, they don’t gossip behind each other’s backs, they don’t get jealous of one another, they do sometimes judge each other, but eventually realize that they all have faults and again they need to trust each other. When they fight with each other it’s because they’re genuinely concerned for each other, like when Spencer gets addicted to Adderall or this season when Hanna has a drinking problem, or it’s because someone has been hiding crucial information from the others, information that could mean life or death.

Ultimately, this teaches the audience what every drama, especially teen drama, I think deep down wants to teach but never fully does: that you have to be vulnerable with your friends, and lying, even when you’re doing it because you think you’re helping, only ends up hurting in the long run. It also teaches that you shouldn’t let boys or gossip come between you and your friends, and if it does, communicate with them and confront it. This is something that is normal in teen dramas, but on Pretty Little Liars the importance of trusting and relying on each other is emphasized because they’re dealing with HEAVY shit. People are constantly harassing them and trying to kill them. The girls don’t have time to dwell on petty things, they’re always trying to figure out who’s trying to hurt them and why. In fact, the times they do dwell on petty things it’s pretty distracting, I have to remind myself that these are high school girls and they have a right to concern themselves with things the average high school girl thinks about.

Another thing is they never slut shame each other, a common thing that will come between female friends in teen dramas. When the group finds out about Aria dating their English teacher Ezra, they’re concerned because of the age difference, but they never attack Aria. They’re eventually very supportive of Aria and Ezra’s relationship. I personally hate Ezra with a deep passion to the point where I yell “Fuck you” whenever he’s on screen, but think it’s amazing that Emily, Hanna, and Spencer are so understanding about it all. And when Emily comes out to them all, again, they’re all very supportive and none of them treat her any differently than they had before.

I mean, even when Alison DiLaurentis is found to be alive and has had a hand in putting them through all the shit they go through, they try to help her and protect her, and they have no reason to even like her. Throughout the show we’re shown flashbacks of their interactions with Alison and they are all of her being horrible and manipulative. But they see that Alison has been through a lot and is maybe in the same boat as they are, so they take her back in. They’re not completely trusting of her, but the point is they give her a chance.

This show is constantly breaking my mind because I have no idea why anything that is happening is happening and it’s all horrible, and there are a lot of problematic relationships and situations, but also there are a lot of progressive things. All of them equally rely on each other and get themselves out of trouble, they’re usually the ones who have to protect their boyfriends and family members, and they aren’t afraid to confront their enemies. Their parents are pretty open minded; Emily’s mother was unsupportive at first about Emily coming out, but then became very loving and understanding. Even Aria’s parents became understanding of her relationship with Ezra to the point of him being invited to family functions. And as I’ve shown you, the girls’ friendship is very progressive.

I don’t know if the writers portray this type of friendship and steer away from many of the harmful female friend tropes on purpose, or if it’s just because there’s no way to fit them in with all the other crazy shit that’s going on, but the strong and positive friendship these girls share is one of the reasons I enjoy Pretty Little Liars. Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t a slew of negative things about the show, or that I even know what my feelings for this show are, it’s constantly doing really progressive things for teen dramas while also doing regressive things, like having every person of color (aside from Emily) ending up being villainous and killed or just killed. I’m just saying that I love teen dramas and I think it’s awesome to see a female led teen drama with strong friendships.

Oh, and another way this show fosters friendships is that you should not watch it alone; you definitely need watching buddies. I don’t know how teenagers can watch this show. I’m 22 and I can’t even fathom it half the time, but I definitely wouldn’t make it through without my friends Laura and Elisha. So if you plan on checking it out, find someone who’ll plunge into the deep end with you.

Victor Kirksey-Brown lives in Minneapolis, Minn.

Sandy Cohen: Father, Husband, Friend, and Feminist Ally

When you think about feminism in television, The OC and teen soaps in general are probably not the first example to come to mind. If you’re not familiar with The OC, it’s about a troubled youth named Ryan Atwood (Ben McKenzie) who is taken in by the Cohens, a very wealthy family, after his own family has abandoned him. I’m very passionate about The OC and it is much more than that, but I shall not digress (or at least try not to). The Cohens are comprised of Kirsten (Kelly Rowan), a wonderful mother as well as a successful architect and businesswoman, Seth (Adam Brody), the awkward and endearing pop-culture-referencing son, and Sandy (Peter Gallagher), a righteous public defender, father, and husband.

This guest post by Victor Kirksey-Brown appears as part of our theme week on Male Feminists and Allies.

When you think about feminism in television, The OC and teen soaps in general are probably not the first example to come to mind. If you’re not familiar with The OC, it’s about a troubled youth named Ryan Atwood (Ben McKenzie) who is taken in by the Cohens, a very wealthy family, after his own family has abandoned him. I’m very passionate about The OC and it is much more than that, but I shall not digress (or at least try not to). The Cohens are comprised of Kirsten (Kelly Rowan), a wonderful mother as well as a successful architect and businesswoman, Seth (Adam Brody), the awkward and endearing pop-culture-referencing son, and Sandy (Peter Gallagher), a righteous public defender, father, and husband.

Now that we’ve got some of the basics down, I’ll get to why Sandy Cohen is a feminist and an ally to the movement. First of all, as previously mentioned, he is a public defender and is always fighting for the underdog. He strives for equality and justice for all, even if it’s for his ruthless neighbor Julie Cooper (Melinda Clarke) or coldhearted father-in-law Caleb Nichol (Alan Dale). He simply never refuses to help and always tries his best to do what’s right. Judging from that description alone, it’s clear to see that Sandy is an ally.

When it comes to married life, Sandy and his wife Kirsten break all conventions. Kirsten is the main and sometimes sole financial provider. She helps run her father’s company, the Newport Group, a company mostly involved in real estate and housing development, making her and her family millionaires. Kirsten is also a terrible cook and by far the stricter parent. She does the majority of the grounding and often says Sandy has a “hippie” way of parenting. However, Sandy is always supportive of her; he loves that Kirsten is successful at what she does. The only time he ever wants Kirsten to quit her job is when he sees that it’s making her unhappy, and still he doesn’t tell her to quit and stay at home, he knows she values work and suggests she goes into business for herself and get away from her manipulative and controlling father. As long as Kirsten is happy with what she’s doing, Sandy could care less about who makes more money. He’s happy doing the cooking and being a stay-at-home dad. When Kirsten’s ex Jimmy Cooper (Tate Donovan) tells him, “You live in a fantasyland, you’re married to the richest girl in the county, you live in a house you’ve never paid for, you get fired–Kirsten wouldn’t even notice it! You have no idea what it’s like to provide for a family!” Sandy simply responds, “I think there’s more to providing for a family than money.” This stands out because it not only displays that a father can have a role in a family other than bread winner and still be a great dad, but it also says the same for mothers. This statement stands up for all the stay-at-home moms, arguing that just because you may not bring in a lot of money, doesn’t mean that your role is any less important in the family.

Another testament to Sandy and Kirsten’s marriage as well as Sandy’s inner feminist, is the way that they dealt with their marital problems. When another man threatens to come between them in the second season, Sandy never goes the route of slut shaming Kirsten or attacking her character in anyway. He chooses to trust Kirsten, to look at the things he’s done wrong that could have caused a rift between him and his wife, and he and Kirsten work together to fix their problems. No matter what issues they’re facing, whether it be Sandy’s law firm suing the Newport Group, differences in parenting techniques, Kirsten’s drinking problem, or deciding whether or not to move back to their small home in Berkley (small being relative to their Newport mansion), Sandy never tried to pull being the alpha or “man of the house.” Sandy and Kirsten always effectively communicated with one another and made decisions together as a team.

Sandy was a man that many people went to for help, and he would provide guidance time and time again without judgment. Instead of vilifying Dawn (Ryan’s biological mom, played by Daphne Ashbrook) and casting her out as a bad mother, Sandy searched for her and when he found her, he sympathized and tried to understand the reasons she left Ryan. Sandy never judges her for her decisions, even when Kirsten does. He and Kirsten do their best to help Dawn get back on her feet and reunite Ryan and his mother. In the end, for the sake of the show, Dawn decides that Ryan is better off with the Cohens, but Sandy never attacks her character and he and Kirsten continue to encourage Ryan to reach out to Dawn when he’s ready.

In the second season, when that ruthless neighbor Julie comes to Sandy for help because her ex, a porn producer, is trying to extort her with a pornographic film she starred in, Sandy helps her without question. Despite Sandy and Julie being far from buddies, Sandy never judges her for making a porn film and doesn’t think any less of her for it. He understands why she made it, and understands why she would like to keep it secret from her husband and two daughters (,though he does encourage her to tell her husband and allow him to help her.) He also lets her know that, even though she may view the film as a mistake, she shouldn’t be ashamed of it and she should try to trust her family with it.

Also in the second season, when Renee Wheeler (Kathleen York) reveals that she and Caleb have a love-child together, Lindsay (Shannon Lucio), from an affair they had while she was his secretary, Sandy helps her. Even though she’s going to cause a major divide in his family, he doesn’t attack her or judge her, he helps her do what’s right and pushes to make the reveal as easy of a process as it can possibly be.

Sandy never tires to coerce or manipulate any of the women who he helps. His help isn’t always selfless, but he doesn’t try to use his help as a play for power which is a route often taken by men in positions to help women on television.

Another great thing about Sandy is that he does his best to dissuade Ryan from being hyper-masculine and thinking he always has to save the day. To Ryan’s defense, this doesn’t come from him thinking he has to be a macho man, but rather from the fact that he grew up being the most responsible person in his household. He’s used to stepping in and taking control of a situation and Sandy helps him to realize that that isn’t always his job. When Sandy sees that Ryan is involving himself too much with Marissa’s (Mischa Barton) problems in the first season he tells him, “Marissa is going to have to figure this out on her own, and you gotta let her. You’re here with us now. You don’t have to be the parent anymore.” When Ryan finds out Theresa’s (Navi Rawat) boyfriend is physically abusing her, Sandy encourages Ryan not to resort to violence to try and resolve the problem, but to use his head. “Theresa has to decide on her own to leave Eddie. You can’t force her. …I’ve seen way too many kids just like him and I know that it will not be you to suddenly make him change.” Though it takes Ryan until the third season to fully take these teachings to heart, he does eventually get it. With Sandy’s help Ryan realizes that women are fully capable of handling their own problems and that he doesn’t always have to step in. Everyone needs help now and then, but you have to also allow people to help themselves.

There are a other, more obvious male feminist allies I can think of in television, Ron Swanson, Eric “Coach” Taylor, and Cliff Huxtable to name a few, but I grew up watching soap operas with my mom and I LOVE teen soaps. Seeing a character like Sandy Cohen in the teen soap genre is rare and something I consider very important. It shows young women (the core audience of this genre) that they should not allow the men in their lives, whether it be their brothers, fathers, uncles, boyfriends, teachers or whoever, to view them as someone always needing to be guided and saved. It allows them to see that a relationship should be a partnership and that they shouldn’t be expected to aim low to avoid hurting some guy’s ego or stand on a higher moral ground because they’re a woman.

I grew up surrounded by an abundance of strong female role models and seeing a male character on television that respects women, doesn’t consider powerful women to be a threat to his manhood, and just generally treats women as equals is something that stood out to me and that I admired. As a male viewer I looked up to Sandy Cohen because he exhibited all these traits and helped to further instill them in me. I still strive to one day be at least half the husband, father, and friend that Sandy is.

If you’ve never seen The OC, I highly recommend giving it a try and if you have, I recommend watching it again…and again…and again. I’ve learned a lot from it and fell in love with its characters and I think that you will too. I’ll leave you with a mash-up I found of some of Sandy Cohen’s best advice.

Victor Kirksey-Brown lives in Minneapolis, Minn.