‘Practical Magic’: Sisters as Friends, Mirrors

This is why I love this movie. I have two real sisters in my life. One born and one chosen. I have strong powerful women everywhere I look–my friends, my mother, my sister-in-law, and my mother-in-law. I would go through hell for them. They would go through hell for me. What we are more than anything else are each other’s mirrors.

This guest post by Olivia London-Webb appears as part of our theme week on Female Friendship. 

Long before the “groundbreaking” Frozen, where sisters save each other, and after the classic Thelma and Louise, where saving your sister means driving off a cliff to your death,  somewhere in the middle we have the fairytale that is Practical Magic

Oh how I wish I were a witch. And really, who doesn’t? A proper broom-riding, black hat wearing, potion making, spell casting, bad-ass witch. Not surprising that Practical Magic is one of my go-to movies. It just makes me feel better. It is one of those movies that I can watch again and again and it stands the test of time. Just the look of this movie is enchanting enough–house on the water, that kitchen, with the garden and the conservatory–swoon. For me, the house and grounds becomes its own character. The house brings us into the world of this family and all of its mess. Then we get to look around inside, watching the story unfold and straining to see around corners and down hallways to all of the witchy interior design details. Hanging herbs are drying everywhere, there is fruit in bowls, bell jars, and candles–and no television or computers. Undoubtedly there is a lingering smell of brownies in the air. That house is my happy place. One of the best things about this house, as with any, are the people in it. Their world is all about family. This is a love story to be sure, but one about sisters.

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We begin our story with the not uncommon theme of slut-shaming. The puritanical townspeople of old were tired of a woman having any type of sexuality and tried to hang her. She magically made the hanging rope snap and was instead banished to a remote area. She then proceeded to build her own lighthouse, cultivate the land, and give birth on her own. She sounds like a bad-ass to me. However, she was pissed. Her man never showed and she cast a spell to never fall in love again, and the spell turned into a curse. Don’t we all have an aunt like that? So now we have a family of bad-ass women. Only sisters. Two a generation. Clearly the curse destroys male chromosomes. Yes there are men who help move the plot along, but they are not the real story here.

This is a movie about women. Strong women. Sisters. Two sisters who would go through hell for each other, raised by two sisters who already have. I love that the sisters could not be more different. The sisters seems to have one “slutty” one, and one “smart.” There is also the–ever present in “chick movies”–Maiden, Mother, and Crone archetype. Either you are a slut, a mother, or an old aunt. These older aunts follow suit: Aunt Frances (Stockard Channing) is “slutty,”  and Aunt Jet (Dianne Wiest) is “smart.” Then we have the heroines of our story: Gillian (Nicole Kidman) is “slutty,” and Sally (Sandra Bullock) is “smart.” There is no shortage of stereotypical pandering. The trouble-causing red-head who is sleeping around gets into trouble with the wrong man. Slut-shaming again. The redemption is, however, that the savior is her sister. The smart brunette. Ahhh.

Like all sisters should, if the phone rings in the middle of the night, and you need to get on a plane, you do. You know that there is drama, and then there is real need. So she scoops her sister up and off they go. This is where things get interesting. The boyfriend, Jimmy (Goran Visnjic), doesn’t agree with them leaving and abducts them both. One of my favorite parts is the eye communication that happens between Sally and Gilly in the rearview mirror of the car. We have all done that–caught our sister’s eye so that we can say something, but not out loud. I love that they translated that so well in this scene. Once you get this skill down, you can communicate whole thoughts and emotions, with only an eyebrow raised correctly. Only sisters can do this.

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Next is something that we have all thought about for our sisters. We have all wanted to, at one time or another, kill that asshole boyfriend/husband bury him in the backyard and then have margaritas. Sure the first time you kill him, you feel a bit bad and bring him back. Then, wait…he is STILL evil and awful, so you need to kill him again. Then you get to make out with a beautiful cop who says it wasn’t your fault and can prove it with jewelry. Done and done.

This is why I love this movie. I have two real sisters in my life. One born and one chosen. I have strong powerful women everywhere I look–my friends, my mother, my sister-in-law, and my mother-in-law. I would go through hell for them. They would go through hell for me. What we are more than anything else are each other’s mirrors. We need to say and believe more of the good things about each other. I expect my sisters to tell me if that weird black hair is sprouting on my chin again. I will tell you if that man is an asshole and you deserve better. I know that no matter the distance or time you will be there. I will too.  I know that if I pick up the phone in the middle of the night, my sisters would be there. I can feel it when you are crying in an airport because of a broken heart. You can tell when I am hiding the truth, even from myself. Our sisters make us better. My dream is to be those old ladies in a house together, cackling late into the night about the adventures that they have had, and the adventures on the way. Even in a fairytale like this, we see that we are all important, and that thankfully, there is a little witch in all of us.

 


Olivia London-Webb writes for herself as therapy. When not writing she likes to cook, drink, stare at art, and chase her children.

Mad Men Week: Mad Motherhood

I used to think that I would be the type of mother like Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show. Calm and together. Beautiful and smart. Making time for a fulfilling career and still having an impromptu musical number complete with costumes in order to illustrate an important life lesson. If my life were a musical I would feel more like Miss Hannagan from Annie. Everything around me is little…

I would like to think that I will never be like Betty Draper from Mad Men. We look at her through our take on modern feminism and feel bad for her. Poor bored Betty. Thank God that we have all been liberated from only having such choices. Betty Draper going to therapy because she can’t talk to anyone about how trapped she feels. How alone. How bored and guilty she feels about the role she has no choice about in her own life. Everything from the way the birth is treated to daily choices within the home. The constant undercurrent is that of limited choices. This is not an antiquated idea. As a mother, I know how it feels some days to count the hours until bedtime. Or to not be able to wait until my husband takes two steps in the door before I am telling him about the terrors our offspring have been that day. Yes, like Betty Draper I relish having a glass of red wine at the end of the day and talking to my friends. Other mothers and caregivers in the trenches with me.

Is that why we feel bad for Betty Draper? Because we know someone like her? Our own mothers? A sister? A friend? Or does she hit a little too close to home for some of us? It is the judgment of her that I have to wrestle with. Poor Pampered Betty Draper. A housewife with a maid and nothing to fill her days but shopping. High class problems indeed. Instead of dumping our kids in front of the black and white TV with three channels, we now have the Wii in monster 65-inch color, surround-sound, high definition. Is spending hours on Etsy so much different than at the department store? Hiding from our children. Hiding from who we are. Betty being so afraid of her own sexuality that her daughter ends up in therapy for “playing with herself.” I am sure all of us have had to confront some issue with our children that we have never anticipated. “Did you really just wipe boogers on the wall?” “Is that a fish stick under your pillow?” “No, I don’t know why trees don’t talk back.”

Parts of my life are not that different from what I can imagine for a 1950s or 60s housewife. Yes I am from the Midwest. Yes I got married at 20. Yes I was pregnant at said event. I still do laundry almost every day. I still wash dishes. For the most part, I have stayed home with my children. But I like being with my kids. I like who they are. I enjoy just being with them and seeing them discover how to navigate this world. The difference now is that so does my husband. He makes more dinners than I do. It is the expectations that are different. Not the reality. I think he would fear for his life if he came home and demanded his dinner. Our house will NEVER be as clean as the Drapers’. We don’t have a maid. We can’t afford it. The choices we have made allow me to stay home. Would we be more financially secure if we had two incomes, of course. Are there mothers out there who do not have this option, absolutely. But more and more I realize that it is other women who are our greatest obstacles. No matter what a woman’s choice is, it should be supported as valid by other women. Too frequently it is not. Working mothers think that stay-at-home-mothers are lazy or spoiled, and stay-at-home-mothers think that working moms are selfish or should be riddled with guilt.

Women are our own worst enemies. Inside our own heads and out. We hear our mothers, our friends. We feel judged as mothers from the time we discover we are pregnant. Keep the baby, or not? Home birth? Water birth? C-section? You will be judged. Breastfeed? Co-sleep? Crib? You will be judged. Vaccinate? Circumcise? You will be judged. Cloth diapers or disposable, home school, or public. You will be judged. Having these choices to begin with is what we should be thankful for. I get it. But that is only half of the equation. Having choices has to be balanced with having the freedom to get to be happy with the consequences of that choice. As Don Draper put it, “If you don’t like what is being said, then change the conversation.”

Look at Peggy. Was it her choice to have a baby? Was it her choice to give it up? Was she allowed to be, if not happy, at least at peace with her decision? She was pushing so hard against the idea of being a woman that she ignored the ultimate difference between men and women: our ability to give birth. Her birth experience was glossed over and not unlike Betty’s out-of-consciousness birth, we are left amazed. We have all known someone whose birth did not go as planned. A home birth that was transferred, or a vaginal birth that had to be a c-section. Women carry around those scars, physical and emotional, for the rest of their lives.

Then Joan. We all want to be more like Joan. She is much easier to take. More modern. Career woman. Waiting until her 30s to get married. Even her physical appearance is more realistic than teeny Betty Draper. But even with all of those curves, she has chosen to be childless. With all of that sex, and two “procedures,” she is still living on her own terms. Fertile. Ready for anything. Her femininity a blatant contrast to all of the men around her.

The female characters of Mad Men bring up feelings for everyone who sees them … either we envy or pity them. Or both. But until we realize that either emotion has validity and is mirroring something about our own mothering, history is bound to repeat itself. Women need to strive to respect one another and support one another. Only then can we feel less isolated like all of the women in the show. Then we can show our children that we are the mothers they want us to be.


Olivia London-Webb
writes for herself as therapy. When not writing she likes to cook, drink, stare at art, and chase her children.