Robin Hitchcock – Page 6

‘Sleepy Hollow’s Abbie Mills: a New and Improved Scully

I fell for Sleepy Hollow hard and fast, despite having little confidence in its actual quality or prospects of maintaining its storytelling momentum going forward. I am an easy mark for this show: The X-Files was my first favorite tv show (not counting Fraggle Rock and She-Ra, I guess), so a supernatural drama about a misfit obsessive man and his practical partner somewhat reluctantly along for the ride is catnip to me. But even I realize Sleepy Hollow could easily collapse under the weight of its own ridiculousness, what with the reanimated Revolutionary War soldier chatting with his dead witch wife across the veil and fighting demons and attempting to prevent the apocalypse (the Headless Horseman is actually DEATH, rider of a pale horse). Thankfully, Nicole Beharie as Abbie Mills is there to ground this in reality.

Nicole-Beharie-of-Sleepy-Hollow — Nicole Beharie as Abbie Mills in *Sleepy Hollow*

I fell for Sleepy Hollow hard and fast, despite having little confidence in its actual quality or prospects of maintaining its storytelling momentum going forward. I am an easy mark for this show: The X-Files was my first favorite tv show (not counting Fraggle Rock and She-Ra, I guess), so a supernatural drama about a misfit obsessive man and his practical partner somewhat reluctantly along for the ride is catnip to me. But even I realize Sleepy Hollow could easily collapse under the weight of its own ridiculousness, what with the reanimated Revolutionary War soldier chatting with his dead witch wife across the veil and fighting demons and attempting to prevent the apocalypse (the Headless Horseman is actually DEATH, rider of a pale horse). Thankfully, Nicole Beharie as Abbie Mills is there to ground this in reality.

While Lt. Abbie Mills is clearly “the Scully” (she’s even a foot shorter than her co-star Tom Mison, resulting in many an arched-neck conversation), Sleepy Hollow makes some beneficial adjustments to the archetype. First: Abbie is the one with the Mulder-esque childhood trauma related to the overarching mystery. And while Abbie was in denial about her bizarre experiences most of her life, even refusing to corroborate her institutionalized sister Jenny’s honest account of the events, she’s not pigeonholed as being “the skeptic” despite seeing paranormal occurrences with her own eyes. We’re seeing Abbie come to accept that the impossible happens and that she has a vital role in it, but with a healthy dose of “REALLY?” and “WHY ME?” tossed in to counter Ichabod Crane’s obsessive mission-focus.

729sleepy-620x349 — Abbie Mills and Ichabod Crane in *Sleepy Hollow*

Abbie is by far the most-realized character after these first few episodes. And Nicole Beharie’s performance deserves much of the credit. She sells the contradictions inherit in a practical, no-nonsense police officer who nevertheless accepts an undead relic from the 18th century who calls her “Leff-tenant” and won’t change out of his colonial clothes as her new partner. Beharie has the charisma that makes you want to root for Abbie even though she’s done bad things, like abandon her sister or spell her name with an “i-e” instead of a “y.” And her smile is a ray of sunshine reflected in a newborn baby’s eye and voice is the sound that angel’s tears make when they fall on rose petals. (In case you haven’t noticed, I kind of have a crush on Nicole Beharie.)

Seeing a great female character emerge on a new TV show is always a thrill, but it’s extra wonderful to have another woman of color as a complex lead character on a successful series. Nicole Beharie, to her credit, has been vocal about the significance of her casting. She told Essence:

“I’m 5’1’’ and an African American woman. I just didn’t think anyone would hire me to play the cop. There’s a certain demographic of girls who look the same in every action piece and I didn’t think that that was going to be me. I’ve always been a big sci-fi person. I love fantasy, so when the opportunity presented itself I wanted to take a shot at this. Getting to hold a gun and running away from witches and incantations… I keep hearing some people saying like ‘Yes, you’re the Black person who doesn’t die.’”

Even better, Beharie isn’t the only person of color in a sea of whiteness on Sleepy Hollow. Orlando Jones, having apparently paid his debt to society for appearing in all those Make 7 Up Yours commercials back in the early aughts, plays Abbie’s new boss; Nicholas Gonzales plays Abbie’s coworker and former flame, and John Cho has a recurring role as another undead pawn in the apocalypse saga. And of course Abbie’s sister Jenny Mills, played by Lyndie Greenwood, is emerging as one of the most interesting side characters, a Sarah Connor-esque figure committed to affirming the unbelievable truth that’s had her labelled insane for most of her life.

jennymills — Lyndie Greenwood as Jenny Mills

Sleepy Hollow may end up being another preposterous supernatural melodrama I have to be embarrassed about obsessing over, but Nicole Beharie as Abbie Mills gives me hope the series could turn out respectable quality product. Or at least launch Beharie to superstardom. She deserves it.

‘The Brass Teapot’: A Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

The Brass Teapot is a black comedy with a premise straight out of Aesop or The Twilight Zone: a struggling young couple come to own a teapot that generates cash in exchange for pain. How much hurt will they inflict on themselves and others for money?

The Brass Teapot is a black comedy with a premise straight out of Aesop or The Twilight Zone: a struggling young couple come to own a teapot that generates cash in exchange for pain. How much hurt will they inflict on themselves and others for money?

John and Alice Macy (Michael Angarano and Juno Temple) are a young married couple clearly in love despite their relatable 20-something struggles to find employment and manage their finances. The teapot comes into their lives after Alice steals it from the site of a minor car accident (rigged by the previous owner of the teapot to generate a payday on the drivers’ pain). She discovers the teapot’s powers after accidentally burning herself with a curling iron, and continues to injure herself until they have enough to pay the bills and then some.

A lot of the first act of the movie treads dangerous waters by depicting self-harm and quasi-consensual partner violence and BDSM sex with a decidedly lighthearted and quirky tone set by director Ramaa Mosley. I can easily see this triggering some people. I was able to buy into it as twisted dark comedy, but your mileage may vary.

Of course the teapot’s cruel bargain becomes more and more vicious. Alice and John find diminishing returns on their own pain, so they bring the teapot around others in pain (cue hijinks like crashing a maternity ward). Then they have to turn to emotional pain, and so they lay all their cruel thoughts and marital indiscretions out on the table to make rent. Finally they contemplate inflicting violence on others to keep the teapot’s magic going.

There is so much in The Brass Teapot that makes it sound like the movie will be painful (appropriately enough) to watch. There are plenty of things to cringe at even if you can get past the pitfalls of the premise. The film unfortunately employs some racist caricatures, like poor Stephen Park as Dr. Ling, who attempts to save the Macys from the teapot by employing his ancient Chinese wisdom, as well as a bizarre subplot about the Hasidic nephews of the previous owner (who do at least bring about one hilarious joke toward the end of the film). The Brass Teapot dabbles in class commentary (Alice and John are middle class kids unable to capitalize on their privilege, and we see that their high school social circle has divided into the haves and the have-nots), but it is never properly developed as the plot focuses on the more simple moral questions presented by the teapot.

Given some of these sensitivity shortcomings, I became particularly worried as the plot carried forward that Alice was going to become the Eve to John’s Adam and he was going to be the innocent man seduced by her greed. Fortunately I think The Brass Teapot sidesteps that trope. While Alice is usually the one to raise the stakes to get more money out of the pot, she also pulls back in at least one crucial scenario where John was ready to bring the pain. The character works because Juno Temple balances her admirable willingness to play an unsympathetic character with her ample charisma, so you end up at least being willing to continue to watch Alice on screen if not outright liking her.

Overall, I feel The Brass Teapot demonstrates the value of commitment in storytelling. Even when it is to the film’s potential detriment and the alienation of its audience, this movie doesn’t shy away from the horror of its premise. I found myself completely in this movie’s grip, absolutely believing that anything might happen as the stakes got higher and higher, while somehow still able to root for the characters and laugh at the comedic moments. It is the kind of movie I’d enthusiastically recommend if I thought my experience was universal, but I realize this movie is probably—oh no, someone please stop me, don’t let me say it—not everyone’s cup of tea.

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Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town, South Africa, and she is terribly sorry for that last sentence.

Wonder Woman Short Fan Film Reminds Us to Want this Blockbuster

In two and a half minutes, this fan trailer makes the case for Wonder Woman being compelling to watch both in the modern world and in her mythical origins. Actress Rileah Vanderbilt conveys a lot of Diana’s personality without the benefit of dialogue, and convincingly throws down with a gang of criminals AND gigantic minotaurs [note for non-geeks: Wonder Woman is at least as strong as Superman. It is supposed to look relatively effortless when she smacks thuggish men out of her way. The fight choreography here manages to convey that even with Wonder Woman’s punches and jabs looking genuinely forceful]. The modern-day setting has the gritty urban feel that DC movies seem to have settled on as a brand, and this Wonder Woman doesn’t look out of place there.

In my last post, I lamented that Marvel’s Stan Lee showed an industry-typical disinterest in creating movies about female comic book characters, especially in the interest of Marvel’s great lineup of women.

But it is DC that owns THE iconic female comic book character: Wonder Woman. And no one is holding their breath for a Wonder Woman movie. (Note: if you are holding your breath for a Wonder Woman movie, PLEASE STOP. You will die.)

Wonder Woman in cover for Identity Crisis #4 by Michael Turner

Like I said about Marvel, there will always be excuses. There’s no bankable actress with the right body type to play the character (because everyone knew Henry Cavill before Man of Steel, right?) She’s more of an icon than a consistently realized character. (Hire the right writers and that won’t be a problem!) Wonder Woman is too chintzy, with its Greek mythology and invisible jet (keep in mind that Marvel’s Thor has a sequel coming out next month).

These are all bogus lies and we know it. Hollywood just doesn’t believe movies about women can make money, so they won’t make them.

But we have to keep refuting these lies if we’re ever going to get anywhere, and this gorgeous short fan film reminds us that Wonder Woman absolutely could carry her own Hollywood movie:

In two and a half minutes, this fan trailer makes the case for Wonder Woman being compelling to watch both in the modern world and in her mythical origins. Actress Rileah Vanderbilt conveys a lot of Diana’s personality without the benefit of dialogue, and convincingly throws down with a gang of criminals AND gigantic minotaurs. (Note for non-geeks: Wonder Woman is at least as strong as Superman. It is supposed to look relatively effortless when she smacks thuggish men out of her way. The fight choreography here manages to convey that even with Wonder Woman’s punches and jabs looking genuinely forceful.) The modern-day setting has the gritty urban feel that DC movies seem to have settled on as a brand, and this Wonder Woman doesn’t look out of place there.

This short is more than just another compelling argument for a Wonder Woman movie–it’s a fine piece of art in itself. Kudos to Rainfall Films for bringing us this delight and furthering the case for a Wonder Woman movie. I hope this gets enough attention that DC gets the message.

Stan Lee: "We Don’t Have to Knock Ourselves Out Finding a Female"

Written by Robin Hitchcock

In an interview with Toofab, Stan Lee talked about upcoming Marvel Studios projects and answered a question about a female Marvel superhero getting her own movie with: “The thing is, the women like these movies as much as the guys. So we don’t have to knock ourselves out finding a female.” He added, with all the convincing commitment I infuse into my promises to do the dishes next time, “But… we will.”

Stan Lee with Scarlett Johansson

Stan Lee is 90, so I probably should cut him some slack on his grandpa-ly demeanor here. And he’s more of an historical figurehead than a creative power player at Marvel Studios, so maybe I shouldn’t put too much stock into what he says in an interview with a website I’ve never heard of.

But this quotation really melts my lipstick because it’s further proof there will always be excuses to not make movies about women. When women aren’t going to movies about dudes, the filmmakers say, “Oh, well, women aren’t really our target audience.” When women ARE going to movies about dudes, the filmmakers say, “Well, the women like it this way, so why change anything?” They’ve developed this convoluted system whereby the logical answer is always more movies about dudes, and they’ll never let it go.

Women of Marvel by ComfortLove on DeviantArt

It also bothers me that Lee’s “knock ourselves out” phrasing makes finding a woman superhero to make a movie about sound like a Herculean task, even though Marvel has no shortage of female characters to work with. Lee himself just casually mentioned the Black Widow as a likely candidate for her own movie, and no one had to be knocked out by that search, because she was THE CENTRAL CHARACTER of a movie made LAST YEAR which made ONE AND A HALF BILLION DOLLARS. Maybe he got knocked out by Captain Obvious’s Clue Stick?

In happier news, The Mary Sue reports Marvel is working on a Peggy Carter TV Series. I hope they have plenty of neurologists on standby to help the television development staff monitor their concussions.

Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town who is not holding her breath for a movie about She-Hulk, but wouldn’t that be awesome?

Don’t Ignore ‘Trophy Wife’

Written by Robin Hitchcock

I probably could have gone an entire season, or, network willing, three or four, without really paying any attention to the existence of upcoming ABC sitcom Trophy Wife. To begin with, it is an ABC sitcom not called Happy Endings (RIP). And my cynical side assumes it got an instant greenlight for its passing resemblance to Modern Family:

The cast of Mo~~dern Family~~ Trophy Wife

And it is called Trophy Wife. But do not ignore Trophy Wife!

1. It is co-created by Sarah Haskins.

Of Target Women fame. I know you’ve missed her. You’ve probably cried while staring out a rainy window, silently begging for her to come back to us. And now she has. Haskins has an uncanny ability to hilariously dissect tropes, and family sitcoms are begging for the Target Women treatment. (She already got a head start with her Doofy Husbands segment, above.)

2. It is loosely based on her own life.

Bradley Whitford and Malin Akerman in Trophy Wife

Haskins married an older man who has three ex-wives, which is even one more ex than Trophy Wife‘s heroine Kate finds herself dealing with. But the important takeaway from this real-life inspiration is that Kate is loosely based on Sarah. Seeing Malin Akerman in the pilot was like watching Sarah Haskins wearing a very convincing Swedish supermodel mask. Akerman clearly sees what makes Haskins so charming and has adeptly built her character on those quirks. And the script sings with Haskins’s awkwardly funny voice.

3. The rest of the cast is also awesome! (And full of women!)

Supporting cast of Trophy Wife

The ex-wives are Oscar-winner Marcia Gay Harden and Michaela Watkins, who, incidentally, was in the same lass of short-tenured and utterly wasted SNL featured players as Casey Wilson. Right now their characters are broad stereotypes (Stern Doctor First Wife and Hippy Dippy Second Wife), but this is only the pilot, and the actresses have enough talent to develop these characters as the writing finds its footing. And it’s clear from the pilot that they aren’t just going to be antagonists to Kate, but co-parents and maybe unlikely friends.

Natalie Morales (the Middleman one, not the Today Show one) plays Meg, Kate’s best friend, still in carefree youth mode when Kate suddenly becomes a frazzled stepmother. It’s sort of the reverse of the dynamic that between Mindy and Anna Camp’s character on The Mindy Project. While that subplot never found traction, I hope we see a lot more of the changing relationship between Meg and Kate.

And the trophy husband, so to speak, is Bradley Whitford, if you’re into that sort of thing.

4. We are all getting older and maybe need to surrender to family sitcoms instead of “friendcore” (TM Emily Nussbaum) shows.

Ugh, and like, buy life insurance and wash our sheets more than once a month and stop eating Doritos for breakfast. NEVERMIND I hate this argument.

4, Take 2. It’s really funny.

You can watch the pilot now on ABC’s website.

Surfers in ‘Blue Crush’ and Girls in ‘Blue Crush 2’

Michelle Rodriguez, Kate Bosworth, and Sanoe Lake in Blue Crush

Written by Robin Hitchcock

To borrow an observation from my friend Liz, subculture movies are awesome. Well, they have a better chance of being awesome, and an excellent chance of being at least interesting. Focusing on people who build their lives and identities around an activity that many people never even have the chance to try is a pretty good starting point for a story. Passionate characters are interesting characters. Blue Crush credits itself as based on the article, “Life’s Swell” by Susan Orlean, about “the surf girls of Maui.” It’s more of an inspirational source for a loose adaptation, but I’m sure the studio was influenced by the line, “At various cultural moments, surfing has appeared as the embodiment of everything cool and wild and free; this is one of those moments. To be a girl surfer is even cooler, wilder, and more modern than being a guy surfer.”

To its credit, Blue Crush ignores Orlean’s notion that women surfers are “in a tough guy’s domain.” There are some surfer dude characters in the background, but they’re scenery (the way beach babes might be in a movie about male surfers). Anne Marie (Kate Bosworth) surfs with her two best friends/roommates/coworkers, Eden (Michelle Rodriguez) and Lena (Sanoe Lake). Eden dedicates herself to training Anne Marie for a competition at the North Shore’s Pipeline, sometimes angrily trying to push Anne Marie out of her self-doubt (she’s traumatized from nearly drowning while surfing at a previous competition). Anne Marie also is the primary caregiver for her younger sister Penny (Mika Boreem). Blue Crush mainly deals with personal problems rather than conflicts between social spheres.

While it takes a sort of post-feminist approach to surfing, Blue Crush attempts to work in some subdued class commentary. The girls live in a trailer, drive a beater car, and eat convenience-store candy for breakfast. They work on the cleaning staff of a high-end hotel, getting glimpses into the materialistic and carefree lives of rich tourists. There’s an unfortunately overemphasized romantic subplot between Anne Marie and an NFL quarterback in for the Pro Bowl, wherein Anne Marie is ostracized by the WAGs who also mock him for his propensity for “slumming it” with local girls. While it is superficial and not very sophisticated, it is nice that Blue Crush at least ACKNOWLEDGES some of the class dynamics at play in Hawaii. [Of course, our protagonist is the white Kate Bosworth rather than her Hawaiian co-star Sanoe Lake, because Hollywood hates making movies about people of color.]

Sasha Jackson and Elizabeth Mathis in Blue Crush 2

Which brings me to Blue Crush 2. This straight-to-video “sequel” is just another movie about surfer girls, with no connection to the original film other than someone paying for the rights to the title. Here we have another white girl protagonist, although this one has the opposite amount of class privilege. The first ten minutes of the film are devoted to clunky exposition establishing Dana (Sasha Jackson) as a) richer than chocolate cheesecake, b) spoiled as curdled milk. After a fight with her father she storms off from Beverly Hills to Durban, South Africa, to follow in her dead mother’s footsteps of surfing along South Africa’s Wild Coast. She makes a fast friend when she uses another young girl as a Scary Dude buffer. “I’ve never seen a white girl on the bus before,” says the new friend, Pushy (Elizabeth Mathis). “Well I’ve never seen a black girl who surfs.” Don’t worry, Dana, there won’t be any others in this movie. Or any other black PEOPLE, except that one same “Scary” Dude on the bus—seriously, the same guy, I was worried I was racistly confused but I guess they were trying to save on hiring actors by having THE SAME. EXACT. PERSON. a) “rudely” ask to sit next to Dana on the bus b) steal her things out of her beach locker c) menace her in a dance club d) POACH IVORY. I am not kidding about that last one.

In case you can’t tell, Blue Crush 2 is profoundly terrible. I was trying to figure out why I find it so execrable when I’m so fond of the original despite its flaws, wondering if it was just a matter of basic acting skill and production values. But there is more to it than that: Blue Crush 2 isn’t really about surfing. It’s about a privileged white American girl going to Africa to find her soul (Pushy actually tells her she is on an “uhambo” or “journey” for personal meaning). Dana doesn’t learn ANYTHING; she just experiences more. She visits Africa and leaves with photographs of her in the same places her white mother had been. She visits Pushy’s township and walks away with the experience of having shown everyone that a white girl can dance. She surfs Jeffrey’s Bay not for love of the surf but because it was her mother’s dream break. Blue Crush might inelegantly handle some of the race and class issues inherent to its story, but it’s a movie about SURFING, not a movie about how great it is for a rich white American girl to visit South Africa and happen to surf while she is there.

Robin Hitchcock is a white American girl living in South Africa. She doesn’t surf (yet).

RANT: End Staggered International Release Dates!

Written by Robin Hitchcock.

And now, a break from your regularly scheduled feminist analysis of pop culture, as this Bitch Flicks writer has HAD ENOUGH with writing about pop culture that is so six-to-ten-weeks ago.

The Heat: US release date June 28 2013. ZA release date 23 August 2013.

When I first joined the Bitch Flicks team, I warned my editors that living in South Africa, I might not be able to cover new releases in a timely fashion. I wrote about this in my first regular post for the site, trying to figure out the vagaries of the international release schedule.

Drawing near the end of my second summer movie season in Cape Town (where it is winter, mind you), I have to admit that my guesses at a pattern were way off the mark. In fact, THERE IS NO MARK. Movies are released in South Africa whenever the studios damn well feel like it. Sometimes months after the American release on home video (I did a double take when I saw a Killing Them Softly poster at the theater last week. I’m not sure Brad Pitt remembers that movie having existed!). This has only gotten worse because two of the indie theaters near me have closed in the past year. None of the “Now Playing” films about women in our sidebar to the right are open in South African theaters.

The Bling Ring: US wide release June 21 2013. ZA release 15 November 2013.

It’s gotten to the point where one of the reasons I’m excited to be taking a trip home at the end of the month is that the in-flight entertainment will invariably include films not yet released in South Africa.

And yes, this is a first world problem (see also: unavailability of Diet Coke) that I am fixating on for selfish reasons. But this also irritates my sense of reason. I suppose back in the way back, studios staggered international releases to save on the cost of making physical prints of the film: once the major markets were done with theirs, they could ship them off to the rest of the world. But it’s 2013. Whatever part of me wants to be a purist about traditional film projection is throwing up its hands in surrender. I will happily watch a digital projection of a movie if I can watch it at least in the same month as my colleagues at Bitch Flicks, not to mention my Twitter feed. It’s definitely better than waiting for it as in-flight entertainment.

Before Midnight: US wide release June 14 2013. ZA release 29 November 2013.

And it’s a no-brainer that staggered international releases encourage piracy. While I dip my toes in the piracy gray area of using VPN to access online content restricted in my country (my husband would probably quit his job if it were keeping him from watching the last episodes of Breaking Bad), I don’t want to outright steal movies because the studios won’t let me pay to see them. But I know not everyone is as ethical as me, and I’m not even going to judge them for it. I am going to judge the studios for leaving the door wide open for piracy while railing about how it is going to destroy the industry.

I open the floor to the wise minds of our readers: does anyone have better explanations for why international release dates are still so delayed? Do any other international Bitch Flickers have suggestions for how to survive as a movie lover completely detached from the online hype cycle?

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Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town, South Africa who longs to guzzle a Diet Coke at a Friday-at-Midnight screening of a big blockbuster release. She is now shedding a tear shaped like an eagle while humming “America the Beautiful.”

Bisexuality in ‘Orange is the New Black’

Written by Robin Hitchcock

Orange is the New Black

Orange is the New Black has more buzz than an apiary this summer, and with good reason: it’s funny, emotionally affecting, intensely watchable, and as a Netflix original series, suited to an immensely satisfying weekend binge-watch. But on top of all that, OitNB offers a lot to talk about beyond “Did you watch Orange is the New Black yet? It’s so great!”

It’s actually kind of a shame that Orange is the New Black is so revolutionary and fresh. The show has gotten a lot of attention and praise for the character Sophia, a black trans woman, portrayed by black trans woman Laverne Cox (and her twin bother M. Lamar in flashbacks, in some truly fortuitous casting). I wish that kind of representation didn’t seem so revolutionary and fresh, but honestly, it is still revolutionary and fresh merely for there to be a show mostly about women, much less one like OitNB that does its best to reflect womanhood as anything but monolithic and directly addresses race, class and sexuality.

Laverne Cox as Sophia

Of course, the central and point-of-view character, Piper Chapman, is a privileged white woman–a Smith graduate whose mother is telling everyone she’s volunteering in Africa as an alibi for her 15 months in Federal Prison. Orange is the New Black does its best to address, challenge, and sometimes mock Piper’s privilege (she compares her prison-issue shoes to TOMS), but it can be frustrating that she is the focus while the audience has to wait many episodes for the serious treatment and backstories of some of the most compelling characters of color.

And it is fitting that the most interesting thing about Piper is her bisexuality, which is the one dimension she isn’t at the top of the hierarchy. Again, it shouldn’t be so fresh and unusual to have a bisexual main character, but it is. And Orange is the New Black doesn’t just use Piper’s sexuality as a representation token or an opportunity for hot girl-on-girl prison action, but as an actual platform to explore the complexities of sexual identity.

Larry (Jason Biggs) and Piper (Taylor Schilling)

Piper enters prison engaged to a man, who had previously known nothing of Piper’s same-sex relationship with a drug trafficker ten years prior. Piper, her fiance Larry, and her future in-laws are all too happy to brush off that history as a long-passed phase. Larry only becomes nervous about Piper cheating on him in prison when he learns her ex-girlfriend Alex is also incarcerated there. She has to lecture him on the Kinsey Scale to point out that the presence of Alex isn’t going to “turn her gay.” When Piper (spoiler alert) does have sex with and fall for Alex again, it doesn’t make her fall out of love with Larry, defying the common portrayal of bisexuality involving some kind of toggle switch.

Piper and Alex (Laura Prepon)

Orange is the New Black also side-steps the trope of Piper only being “gay for” one person. In a flashback sequence Piper tells her best friend Polly, “I like hot girls. I like hot boys. What can I say? I’m shallow.” [That’s also an absurdly simplistic representation of bisexuality, but absurd simplicity is fairly honest to Piper’s character.]

Piper’s sexuality is as hard for Alex to accept as it is for Larry, though. When their relationship hits the rocks, Alex angrily says she broke her rule number one: “never fall in love with a straight girl.” Alex bonds with Nicky, another lesbian inmate who had been having sex with another “straight” girl engaged to a man. Seeing these characters express frustration with bisexual characters’ ability to “opt-out” and enjoy heterosexual privileges puts Orange is the New Black‘s simple “Kinsey scale”/”I like hot people” depiction of bisexuality back into a realistically complicated and often painful context of negotiating sexualities.

Discussing Piper’s rekindled affair with Alex, Larry says to her brother Cal, “Is she gay now?” Cal says, “I’m going to go ahead and guess that one of the issues here is your need to say that a person is exactly anything.”

His issue and everyone else’s, Cal.

Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town, and that is not a WASP-y cover story for a prison stint.

Spike Lee’s "Essential Films": More Annoying Than Your Average List

Filmmaker Spike Lee

Written by Robin Hitchcock

Any list of the “greatest” “essential” “best” “definitive” films (or books/tv shows/albums/Got Milk? ads/insert your pop cultural poison) is going to have its detractors. The controversy that inevitably follows these lists is a big part of the reason we make them in the first place. Dissecting a list’s failures and defending its bold choices is most of the fun. So I suppose I should thank Spike Lee for giving us all another opportunity to quibble, with his recently-released selection of 87 “essential” films he tells his NYU students every aspiring filmmaker must see. But mostly, I’m just so tired of this bullshit.

Spike Lee’s Milk ad, which is on my essential list.

The only movie on the list with a female director is City of God, co-directed by Katia Lund. Spike Lee thinks aspiring filmmakers will have the essentials even if they have only seen one movie with a female (co-)director.

Which I don’t have that much to say about. I am ZERO SURPRISED. The marginalization of women filmmakers is nothing new. Seeing it happen again annoys me, of course, but it also EXHAUSTS me. We keep telling male cultural arbiters, “HEY, DON’T IGNORE US” and they keep doing it.

And what makes me particularly upset in this case is that Spike Lee released this list in the context of trying to prove his genuine support of filmmakers excluded from the Hollywood power system.

Spike Lee is funding his latest project with Kickstarter. Like Rob Thomas’s and Zach Braff’s recent Kickstarter campaigns, this has generated a bit of controversy. Sure, we’re all excited there is going to be a Veronica Mars movie, but most of us have mixed feelings about established artists crowdsourcing their projects. It seems to co-opt the platform from the truly independent artists initially associated with Kickstarter, artists without access to the alternative resources (including, among other things, significant personal wealth) these established filmmakers could tap if necessary.

In the YouTube clip above, Spike Lee argues that criticism is a fallacy. Kickstarter isn’t a zero sum game, and he’s bringing people who have never even heard of Kickstarter, especially people of color, to the site and to the crowdfunding movement generally. I have no idea if that is true. He says there is data regarding Thomas’s and Braff’s Kickstarters bringing in first-time backers, but I haven’t actually seen that data. Anyway, it’s a plausible idea, and a nice one. I hope it is true.

But wishing doesn’t make it so. And when Spike Lee points out that he’s been crowdsourcing his movies his whole career, he seems to fail to recognize that so has every other independent filmmaker in the history of ever and the entire point of the Kickstarter revolution is to help out those people who don’t have the personal networks he refers to. [I know Spike Lee has had trouble with studios over fear of controversy, and that his films haven’t been huge financial successes, but he is a LIVING LEGEND. When he makes those phone calls, people will answer.]

In the same video defense, Spike Lee argues that he must be on the side of young filmmakers because he’s taught at NYU for fifteen years and has donated $20,000 to the Spike Lee production fund at NYU for young filmmakers. [Lee’s Kickstarter goal is $1,500,000.]

[He also name drops Mike Tyson as “his good friend.” I can’t tell if he is kidding?]

Lee shared this list, part of his curriculum for this students, as evidence of this “I just want to advance the medium” message. And then the list pretty much ignores women, and is surprisingly mainstream in a lot of other ways (choosing an “unexpected” Woody Allen movie isn’t really THAT outré). I’m not reassured by it at all.

Though I’m guessing this additional angle of controversy brought more eyes to Spike Lee’s Kickstarter. Someone remind me when I’m famous and revered to use my immense media platform to argue that Gremlins 2: The New Batch is the greatest film of the 20th century so I can generate some hype through grumpy blog posts like this one.

Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town who really does love Gremlins 2, even if it isn’t quite as good as Do the Right Thing.

The Women of ‘White House Down’

Written by Robin Hitchcock

Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, and a billion other dudes in White House Down.
I swear there are chicks, though.

Even though I’m running into the risk of painting myself into a month of themed posts about the women in dumb-but-entertaining movies about ‘MERICA, I have to write about the few, the proud, the women characters in White House Down. [Mostly because it is the only movie I’ve seen in the past week.]

White House Down has very few women on screen, and most of those (including the FIRST LADY) have no characterization and hardly any dialogue. Only three remain–and one is a one-scene wonder–but I still lapped up these scant offerings. [Unfortunately, I must admit my standards can get pretty low during summer movie season.]

A quick plot overview just to get you oriented: White House Down features terrorists taking control of ~~Nakatomi Plaza~~ the White House as part of an elaborate plot with a muddled endgame. But the bad guys didn’t count on ~~John McClane~~ John Cale, an under appreciated law-enforcement tough guy who was ~~just there for the Christmas Party~~ just there for a job interview. And this time it’s personal: our hero’s ~~estranged wife~~ tween daughter is one of the hostages.

Now on to the lady parts:

Special Agent Carol Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal)

Carol Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal)

Carol Finnerty is a character that could have gone horribly wrong in less skilled hands than Maggie Gyllenhaal’s. A top-ranking member of the President’s Secret Service detail, she’s one of those movie characters who is good at her job AND good-hearted AND beloved by all who know her (including the president)… and devoid of any depth. But Gyllenhaal plays to every square inch of this limited character and then some. When Finnerty must go head-to-head with military brass while responding to the crisis, tropes about women in power struggles abound: she’s more easily dismissed by the male military authority because she is a woman, but she also flashes a smile and “please help me eyes” at a male mark to get what she needs anyway. This might have annoyed me A LOT more if a less genuine actress were in the role. Gyllenhaal made it clear that flirting was a last-resort method, but one she was nevertheless willing to employ to save the life of the president.

Muriel Walker (Barbara Williams)

No images of this character or actress exist so I’m taking the Ms. Pac-Man approach.

You know that scene in these movies where the marginally-sympathetic bad guy’s wife is called in to talk him down from his evil plot? That scene happens in White House Down. But [spoiler alert] when Muriel Walker takes that call, it doesn’t go the way it normally does. This woman, already stunned by the terrorist attack unfolding around her, is told her husband is behind all of it. She’s clearly devastated. But when she gets him on the phone, and he explains he’s doing this to avenge the death of their son (killed in a failed black op authorized by the president), she incredulously asks, “You’re doing this for Kevin?” And I’m thinking, “Yeah, sister, it doesn’t make sense to me either.” But then her face sours and she awesomely says, “Then you do whatever it takes. You make them pay for what they did to our boy.” WHAT!? Look, this one line of dialogue does not a good female character make. But it was maybe THE ONLY surprising thing that happened in this entire movie, and I have to give them props for that. Muriel is led away with Finnerty swearing she’ll have her prosecuted to the full extent of the law and is never heard from again in this movie. But I gotta say I’d be addicted to the cable news coverage of THAT trial.

Emily Cale (Joey King)

Emily Cale (Joey King)

The hero’s aforementioned tween daughter, Emily, starts out as a sullen brat glued to her cell phone. But then she’s told she’s going to the White House so her dad can interview to join the Secret Service, and she starts overflowing with America Joy. And facts! So many facts she annoys her tour guide because she keeps stealing his lines. At this point I have to recuse myself from fairly judging this character. Emily Cale is basically everything I wanted to be as a child. Scratch that, she’s everything I want to be as an adult. And on top of the adorable know-it-all-ness, she’s brave and clever! She surreptitiously records video of the terrorists and uploads it to her YouTube channel, providing the good guys with vital intelligence. Her pint-sized badassery continues [More spoilers! Do you care?] when the main villain tries to get the President to nuke basically the whole planet by holding a gun to her head, and the President is like, “Sorry, kiddo, I like you and everything but not more than billions of innocent people,” and she’s ENTIRELY on board for this heroic sacrifice. She’s pretty much like, “Please don’t feel guilty for watching me get murdered in cold blood in your Oval Office, Mr. President.” And then she saves the president’s life and the White House itself with a flag twirling routine. Seriously. Like I said, I’m well past the point of nuanced feminist analysis here, but… EMILY CALE FOR PRESIDENT!

In sum, while White House Down isn’t really doing any favors for the sisterhood, I’m happy that its marginalized and one-dimensional female characters are at least one-dimensionally awesome. There are a lot of flaws in White House Down I had to overlook to enjoy the heck out of it, and the women weren’t even close to the top of the list. /faint praise out!

Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town who has never helped save the world with an upload to her YouTube channel … yet.

‘National Treasure’s Abigail Chase: a Loveable Badass Who Makes Questionable Choices

Written by Robin Hitchcock

I’ve made it a tradition to watch National Treasure every 4th of July, not only because it is a fantastic dumb-fun movie, but because I don’t own Independence Day (who am I kidding, I would just do a double feature).

Abigail Chase (Diane Kruger) in National Treasure

So I had planned to do an appreciation post celebrating Abigail Chase, the Smurfette of this goofy movie played by the exquisite Diane Kruger. And she is wonderful, as I’ll explain in a moment, but I find myself pretty disturbed by how quickly she gets over essentially being kidnapped by a pair of lunatic criminals. Not since Beauty and the Beast’s Belle has a tough and lovable movie character had such disturbing symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome.

Abigail starts out charmingly sassing Nicolas Cage’s Ben Gates, whackadoo treasure hunter who tells her there’s a map on the back of the Declaration of Independence. She asks to see one of the many clues that led him on his Dan Brown-ian mystery quest, but he doesn’t have it anymore. “Did Bigfoot take it?” she asks.

Oh, another bit in that first meeting that makes me just love her. She explains her accent is German, and doofy sidekick Riley incredulously asks, “You’re not American?” She replies, “Oh, I’m American. I just wasn’t born here.” Statue of Liberty FIST PUMP!

Abigail in action hero mode

Before her Stockholm Syndrome sets in, Abigail awesomely and badassly tries to stop our alleged heroes’ theft of the Declaration of Independence, snatching it (or what she thinks is it) out of Ben’s hands and hanging off a truck to keep it away from the Really Bad Guys (who are adorably British—THE VERY ENEMY WE DECLARED INDEPENDENCE FROM!). All while wearing a really beautiful dress!

Abigail’s stunning dress. LOVE IT, COVET.

Ben saves her from being kidnapped by the Really Bad Guys by kidnapping her himself, much like he stole the Declaration of Independence to stop them from stealing it. And he’s extremely rude to her, telling her to shut up over and over again, and when she yanks the real document out of his hands and tries to run away (still in her formal wear, mind you) he picks her up bodily. Just in case there was any doubt she was being kidnapped.

Abigail starts cooperating

Somewhere along the way (around when Ben convinces her there actually is a treasure to be found) she goes along willingly. You could argue that this is just because of her personal interest in history and curiosity about the treasure. BUT THEN SHE GETS ALL SMOOCHY WITH BEN. Girlfriend, that dude does not deserve your kisses.

Later he drops her off a rickety swinging platform to save the Declaration, but at least when he apologizes for it she tells him not to apologize because “I would have done exactly the same thing to you.” But then Ben makes a frowny face because he’s a jerkwad.

Ben disregarding Abigail’s safety

And the final insult: even though Abigail has done a significant part of the work following the clues to the treasure, and put her life in danger, she isn’t rewarded. Riley and Ben collectively take 1% of the value of the treasure, which is enough to buy Ben a palatial estate and Riley a sports car (and general economic security, presumably). Riley says he got “one half of one percent.” It stands to reason that Ben got the other half. Leaving nothing for Abigail! Except a relationship with Ben. HER KIDNAPPER.

But I still love her despite her questionable choices.

Happy Fourth of July to our US-ian readers!

Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town, South Africa. She misses her beloved home country extra hard today.

Wedding Week: The HitchDied Guide to Wedding Movies

Written by Robin Hitchcock

When I was planning my own wedding in 2010 and 2011, I blogged about the strange experience of getting sucked into wedding-world as an allegedly savvy and feminist chick who nevertheless loves weddings. To round out my personal journey through wedding culture (and have a good excuse to watch and write about movies), I watched and reviewed dozens of wedding movies on HitchDied. I’ve finally compiled a full index for those of you following Bitch Flicks’ wedding movies week.

The HitchDied Guide to Wedding Movies

I’ll also share my general reflections on the wedding movie genre: Weddings are such popular centerpieces for movies because they’re sort of a free pass on logical character behavior. Even in real life, weddings exaggerate emotions and make people do strange things (like spend thousands of dollars on chair rental). So in the movies, weddings are basically an anything-goes wonderland of high drahms. None of the characters have to act realistically or believably and the stakes are always extremely high (“til death do us part”!!!). Wedding movies practically write themselves.

So you have your “I suddenly love this person now that they are marrying someone else!” movies (My Best Friend’s Wedding, Made of Honor), “I am going insane because my sister is getting married and I am still single!” movies (When in Rome, The Wedding Date), your “I’m trying to be a good friend here but engagement has turned you into a pod person” movies (Bridesmaids, Bride Wars), your “Oh crap going to this wedding means confronting people and events from my past!” movies (The Best Man, Rachel Getting Married). Ur-Wedding Movie 27 Dresses hits all of these notes and more!

Even though I had fun with it, I have to say if you are engaged, you should probably limit your exposure to wedding movies. Because so many of them end with broken engagements or dramatic jiltings at the altar, you’ll start seeing potential wedding saboteurs in all your friends, family, and hired wedding professionals. You’ll see the obviously doomed engagements at the start of those movies and worry that if those characters could be so deluded, are you and your partner as well? You’ll think spending thousands of dollars renting chairs is ok because at least you didn’t invite random strangers from your mother’s past for an ABBA-scored paternity-off.

Wedding movies are really silly, and they all kind of follow the same patterns, and as such it’s a shame that they take up so much of a share of the movies Hollywood makes about women. But action movies are really silly and all kind of follow the same patterns, and I certainly don’t want Hollywood to stop cranking those out. Really, I love wedding movies (just like I love weddings) even though—or more honestly, because—they can be absurd.

Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town, South Africa. Her wedding colors were blush and bashful.