Myrna Waldron, my oldest daughter (a regular contributor to Bitch Flicks), baby Rhiannon Roxane Waldron, and the author, their mother, Pandora Diane MacMillan. |
I think this was one of the very first film showings that included a special, movie-only commercial meant to promote a new line of Levi’s jeans. The new line was apparently to be called “Flatliners,” yes, a promotional tie-in with that film, with the association that Flatliner Jeans would make the wearer look slim and “flat.” They also apparently thought it would be cute, hip, and hilarious to display the young male wearer of said jeans as DEAD and FLATLINED and to have someone jumpstart the person’s heart with defibrillators(!)
So I am part of a captive audience in the theatre at the time when this commercial comes on, in the intermission of The Empire Strikes Back showing. When I heard the flatline sound and saw the picture of the hospital monitor with the flatline showing on its screen, I stood right up and started swearing loudly. I didn’t even know where I was, I was so shattered. The tears were streaming down my face, and I didn’t even feel it. Once I finished swearing, my husband and daughter escorted me out to the lobby. They were equally upset and horrified by the commercial. They didn’t need to ask why I erupted like that.
Only the week before, I had buried my beloved one-month-old baby daughter Rhiannon Roxane, my second daughter. She stopped breathing in my arms when I was burping her, about 3:00 AM on March 4, 1997. It was diagnosed as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome – SIDS. Because my husband and I were awake and aware when little Rhiannon stopped breathing, we called 911, the paramedics came, and they resuscitated our baby. Then they rushed her to the hospital emergency.
I was in despair at the time but nursed a desperate hope. I knew she had probably stopped breathing for at least 5 minutes before I became aware she hadn’t fallen asleep against my shoulder. I had just taken the St John’s Ambulance course at my office so I could give first aid to my co-workers if needed. The course had taught me one important thing: if the brain is deprived of oxygen for more than 5 minutes, that person is likely brain dead. So I was crying and not hoping for very much as we joined the paramedics at the emergency ward.
They spent a long time at the hospital trying to revive my baby girl. I was sitting in a dazed, surreal state, looking down the hallway at the room where baby Rhiannon Roxane lay, our little Rhi-Rox. Then I saw the green line going level across the hospital monitor, no twitches in its movement, straight along, over and over. And I heard that long loud beeeeeeeeeeeep. The flatline sound. The sound of no hope at all when it’s someone you love who is hooked up to it. There will be no defibrillators hooked up to this baby. She is brain dead.
Soon we are called one by one to the telephone in the emergency department. It is the consultant pediatrician on the hotline from Sick Kids Hospital downtown. She has a request for each of us, my husband and me. “Do I have your permission to disconnect life support?” Her voice is cold, clipped, and empty of emotion. I say yes, with a heavy heart. She asks it again. This time she adds, “You do realize she will be a VEGETABLE if I leave her connected to life support?” Oh God, did she have to say that? Feeling punched in the stomach, I say yes again. She asks the question yet a third time. Yes.
I say to my husband, you talk to her. What I hoped for, I don’t know. Anything, but that merciless clinically cold voice. Does she make this call every day? I wondered. Is she dead to all feeling now? Then I hear my husband saying Yes, Yes, Yes three times, and I realize she has asked him the same terrible question.
Now they have official permission to pull the plug. There is nothing for the hospital staff to discuss anymore, except do we want an autopsy. We do. Then we follow the rest of the routine in these circumstances, of which I will spare you the details.
Back to the movie theatre. I am standing in the lobby next to the snack bar. I ask for the theatre manager, to complain about that heartless, insensitive jeans commercial we have just endured. The one where they think the sound and the appearance of a hospital monitor going flatline is terribly funny, and a great way to market a new line of jeans. Why bother with sex as a motivation for buying clothing when you can promise virtual resurrection from the dead if you just put on these “Flatliner” jeans!
But no manager is on duty right now. I’m reduced to talking to the only theatre staff member there, a young man who is sweeping the floor in the lobby. No one else is there, not even the snack bar staff. He is the target audience for this commercial, because he’s barely out of his teens. I talk to him about the commercial. In a sad, resigned voice, he replies, “I didn’t like it either.” His head is down and he looks nearly as bereft of hope that things will ever get better as I feel at that point. Nobody cares anymore. Not that pediatrician on the emergency department hotline. Certainly not the marketing department at Levi’s jeans, I could only conclude.
I give it some thought and realize I need to phone the head office of the jeans company and make a complaint there. I did so the next day. I couldn’t get hold of any top management there, but I was asked by their public relations guy to leave a voice mail for the CEO. I don’t remember everything I said, except that we had just lost our infant daughter the week before. “No one,” I said in my voice mail, “who had lost someone they loved while in hospital and heard again that awful flatline sound, would think that was funny.” But the Flatliners movie, replied the PR guy. Didn’t you see it? Didn’t you get the joke? No, I said. I was 100% certain that at this point I didn’t want to see that movie, ever. Finally, I said with a voice of rage that the commercial had offended me so deeply, that I felt the company had spat on my baby daughter’s grave!
All I wanted was for the commercial to stop, to stop right away, before some other bereaved family had to hear it, had to watch it. But apparently, when they played the voice mail for the Levi’s CEO, and he heard my remarks, he said, “That’s it. We pull the whole campaign. The Flatliners jeans line is cancelled as of now.” I wouldn’t have known about this, except the PR guy phoned me back and told me that this happened. Incidentally, Levi’s sent us two T-shirts by way of apology. I hadn’t expected they would decide to actually stop production of the jeans with that offensive name. I just hoped they would pull the commercial. Obviously, I am relieved that once I brought the issue to their attention, Levi’s immediately did the right thing.
So here’s a case study in how death as a concept was initially handled insensitively by the ad men (who may not even have been employed by Levi’s), and the outcome of that – with an outraged, bereaved mother: me. I can never bring my baby girl back. But I wanted to spare other families who’d lost someone they loved some small portion of the heartache that my family and I had gone through.
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That was such a heartbreaking story – my heart literally breaks for you. I could not stand it if that had happened to me, and it is just unthinkable that it has happened to you, and I bet, many other grief-stricken people. Ad men (and women) are probably worse than us lawyers, I think. The callous manipulation of such sensitive life events – it kills me
Thank you for sharing
I need a new pair of jeans. I know which one to buy.
I have often seen a commercial and thought, how did something that offensive get through all the channels and reviews and no one noticed the problem.
Go fuck yourself. She’s recounting how she felt at that time, not how she feels now.
Did you miss the part where she said it had only been a week since she’d lost her baby? And that my father and I were upset about the use of the flatline as a joke too? Also, what kind of fucked up logic are you using here? “We shouldn’t expect the world to shift to accommodate us?” So, should we stop fighting for women’s rights then? Isn’t that also asking the world to shift for an accommodation? Don’t you fucking dare tell people what they aren’t allowed to react negatively to.
Also, please stop bullshitting and saying you empathize, because you clearly fucking don’t.
I am not holding on to the anger for 16 years, although I am still grieving the loss of my baby. If you think people ever move on from the loss of a child, then I will not mince words: you are an insensitive asshole. Furthermore, that commercial was insensitive to ANYONE who had watched a loved one die at any time. If you fail to understand that, I hope YOU never have to go through something like that, and then let’s see how self righteous you feel at that point.
It was just a commercial that I was FORCED to watch only a very short time after my baby had died. I vehemently disagree with your depiction of society as a so-called watered down flavourless experience. I don’t know where you are getting this flawed perception from. If concerns were always noted and respected, life would be a more COMPASSIONATE experience. Excuse me, but I must have missed the memo where someone made you an authority on the “right” way to grieve.
While I understand your reaction to the jeans commercial, and agree that it was in poor taste, I just wanted to comment on your reaction to the phone conversation with the “consultant pediatrician”. You wondered “is she dead to all feeling now”. That is also a perfectly valid question but you should know that emergency workers such as doctors, nurses, paramedics, police and fire department personnel all witness tragic events as part of their duties. They have to become numb to it or they will not survive their chosen profession. Their reaction may seem “cold, clipped, and empty of emotion”, but in reality that is the way they cope with these awful situations. Gallows humor is another coping method. It sounds callous to someone not involved in emergency services but none of it is done with any disrespect intended.
By the way, to Myrna, you’re a nasty, foul mouthed biotch.
You had a decent point about medical professionals needing to disassociate themselves from the situation for their own sanity, which we understand. My mother’s issue was with the question saying that her daughter would be a vegetable if she was kept on life support. She had already said yes. The question was needlessly cold and unnecessary.
But then you decided to be all judgey about the language that I used. And used a gendered insult on a feminist website. Good work, you piece of shit. Did you miss the part where this is MY MOTHER, and that person was judging how we chose to grieve MY SISTER? I have the right to use whatever words I want. And I have the right to be angry at ridiculous bullshit thrown our way.
And since my language offends you so much…
Go fuck yourself. Twice. And then I hope someone shits in your mouth. And shoves a red hot poker up your ass.
“By the way, to Myrna, you’re a nasty, foul mouthed biotch.”
Wow, thanks for proving my point. Stay classy.
“Stay classy” from a guy telling me off about my use of the f-word instead of, you know, recognizing that I have a right to be angry? Are you sure it was YOUR point I was proving?