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| Seth MacFarlane, unpleasant person and recently-announced host of the 85th Annual Academy Awards |
Seth MacFarlane has been tapped to host the 85th Annual Academy Awards next February. MacFarlane is the creator of The Family Guy and several other animated television programs (American Dad, The Cleveland Show) known for their blatant hostility toward women, people of color, the LGBTQ community, and the basic tenets of comedic storytelling. MacFarlane’s first motion picture, Ted, was a box office hit last summer. He can sing and do funny voices and he looks pretty good in a tux. The producers of the Academy Awards ceremony are hoping he can bring in his lucrative young male demographic to boost the declining ratings for the Oscars telecast. [And I guess they already forgot about that whole debacle with Brett Ratner and Eddie Murphy last year.]
While it’s possible MacFarlane as host will bring in droves of 18-year-old boys to watch montages celebrating old movies they’ve never heard of interspersed with awards being granted to movies they’ll never watch, the Academy Awards have alienated at least one lifelong die-hard Oscars fanatic: me.
It’s hard for me to think of someone I’d be less excited about seeing host the Oscars than Seth MacFarlane. Instead, I humbly present an abbreviated list of potential Oscar hosts I think would do a better job:
1. Miley Cyrus
2. Billy Ray Cyrus
3. James Franco in a wig made from Anne Hathaway’s Les Mis chop
4. Tom Brokaw after half an Ambien
5. A brigade of mimes from Cirque du Soleil
6. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon [The 90s are BACK, people!]
7. On that note, how about reuniting the dynamic duo of the 1994 Oscars:
Oprah. Uma.
8. The Oogieloves
9. Anne Curry
9. Anne Curry
10. One of the lesser Kardashians
11. A fully-articlated Oscar statuette, played by Andy Serkis in mo-cap, IN 3D
12. The Romney Sons
13. The cast of The Avengers dressed as the “Let’s All Go to the Lobby” snacks
11. A fully-articlated Oscar statuette, played by Andy Serkis in mo-cap, IN 3D
12. The Romney Sons
13. The cast of The Avengers dressed as the “Let’s All Go to the Lobby” snacks
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| Sam Jackson can play the popcorn. |
14. The cast of Magic Mike in fat suits, because LULZ
15. Jennifer Aniston handcuffed to Angelina Jolie
16. Suri Cruise with a Speak & Spell
17. Mrs. Knerr, my first grade teacher
18. This guy:
16. Suri Cruise with a Speak & Spell
17. Mrs. Knerr, my first grade teacher
18. This guy:
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| That blue bodybuilder dude from Prometheus |
19. The reanimated corpse of Bob Hope
20. The reanimated corpse of [insert non-dead previous host, but not Billy Crystal, I like him]
21. Clint Eastwood, live via satellite from an empty furniture store
22. The Fandango lunch bag puppets
23. Daniel Day-Lewis in character as Lincoln and Bill Murray in character as FDR
24. The last five hosts of the Sci-Tech awards, mud wrestling
25. Jay Leno. I mean it: Jay. Leno. I would rather watch Jay Leno host the Oscars than Seth MacFarlane. Let that sink in. Think about what that means. Jay Leno would be better. Did you ever think those words would appear on the internet? Well there they are, and they are true.
20. The reanimated corpse of [insert non-dead previous host, but not Billy Crystal, I like him]
21. Clint Eastwood, live via satellite from an empty furniture store
22. The Fandango lunch bag puppets
23. Daniel Day-Lewis in character as Lincoln and Bill Murray in character as FDR
24. The last five hosts of the Sci-Tech awards, mud wrestling
25. Jay Leno. I mean it: Jay. Leno. I would rather watch Jay Leno host the Oscars than Seth MacFarlane. Let that sink in. Think about what that means. Jay Leno would be better. Did you ever think those words would appear on the internet? Well there they are, and they are true.
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Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town, South Africa. Her actual proposed Oscar host is Paul Rudd.
I’m not gonna lie, i like American Dad. It’s often pretty smart and satirical with it’s humor. And the first few seasons of Family Guy were actually a lot of fun, but i completely agree that most of what he does is just to shock and often promotes violence against women and minorities and is just downright fucking racist. The worst offender being the Cleveland Show. Good thing I’m not a fan of award ceremonies because i won’t be watching.
In a word, (well two really) Betty White!
I don’t care much for Family Guy/Cleveland Show, but I enjoyed most of Ted. And MacFarlane was reasonably funny on SNL (and almost no one, other than Melissa McCarthy and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, is funny on SNL anymore). He seems to be a big movie fan. I think he could do a good job.
But can I think of women who’d do better? Oh yeah.
I also want Paul Rudd to do it, just because I would hope he’d replace all the movie clips with that one scene from Mac & Me…
A stale pretzel would make a better host than …I don’t even want to write his name, he’s so awful, and ubiquitous, and reeks of smarmy self-important ain’t-I’clever trolling-4-lyfe obnoxiousness that’s barely funny (thinks he’s Eminem, is actually ICP), like the worst guy at every party.